We Remain Stuck At The Age When We Received The Least Of Love


by Conscious Reminder

I often come across people who are 20, 30, 40 years old, but that’s just on the outside. Deep inside they seem to be stuck in early childhood and still expect the love they didn’t get. And they stay there until they learn to love themselves.

Different ages have different needs, meaning that the attention and love we expect from our parents change with each year that passes. We simply have different needs and requirements.

Early childhood is the period where trust is being built, so, love at this age represents compassionate concern of the mother about the child’s needs.
If the mother was unreliable, she dismissed the child, etc., her behavior can make the child worry and feel afraid for her or his well-being.

In adulthood, it is difficult to make contact with these people. In relationships they often test and question their partners because of their trust issues. When it comes to intimate relationships, they may feel helpless and vulnerable.

A little later, between the second and third year of life, the child learns to be independent and develop self-control. If parents hindered development in any way, for example, they were impatiently and persistently doing what a child could easily do by him/herself, or, expecting the child to do things he or she was unable to do alone – then the feeling of shame appears.

And if parents are constantly overprotective of the child, which leaves them blind to their kid’s real needs, then the child starts to doubt his or her abilities, the ability to control their surroundings and him/herself.

Even as adults, these people, instead of being confident, they think that others look at them with judgement and disapproval. Obsessive-compulsive symptoms or paranoid fears caused by trauma can also occur in such people.

To love a child aged 3-6 is to encourage his/her independent actions and support his/her initiatives, as well as the approval of their curiosity and creativity. If the parents don’t allow the child to act alone, in response to their needs, they punish him/her too much, feelings of guilt develop.

And then in adulthood, such “big kids” don’t have enough focus on their goals and determination to set realistic aims and achieve them. In addition, a constant sense of guilt can cause passivity, impotence or frigidity, as well as psychopathic behavior.

During school age values are formed. If you have doubted the capacity of your child or his/her status among peers, it may discourage him/her from further learning, it may also create a feeling of inferiority, which will later kill his security in his ability to function effectively and exists in the world.

If children experience school achievement and work as the sole criterion for judging their values, as adults, they can become “workforce” in the established hierarchical society.

I suggest that you give your inner child a hand and help him/her grow. To do this, find a picture of yourself as a child or just imagine a child living in you. How old is he/she? What does he/she look like? What is he/she thinking? Who’s next to him/her? What’s the matter with him/her? ..

Talk to your inner child …

Take paper and two pencils of different colors: one in your right hand, the other in the left. If you are right-handed, write with your right hand on behalf of your adult self, and use your left hand on behalf of your inner child. If you are left-handed, do the opposite.

In your conversation, you and your inner child are alone. Who will make contact first? When will you start communicating? The answers you’ll get might be unexpected.

Now that you found your inner child and started talking to him/her, it is time to establish a relationship with him/her. Communicate with the kid in there as much as you like. Ask him/her what he misses. Give him/her what he/she is looking for. Call him/her by his/her name, tell him/her kind, loving words, give him/her your love. Ask him something.

Be the parent you once needed.

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  1. Thank you for this article so much need. I received zero love and attention. Was constantly rejected and constantly critized on daily. Was also told constantly I was not loved and my life would never be nothing. I am still living back there well unto my adult life. I have been rejecting myself and abusing myself also. Now I can begin having conversations with my inner child to heal and move forward.

    • I’m just going with the flow here when I say I see “zero” and “nothing” come up here a lot. In numerology and in Tarot, 0 is connected with God, or the Universe. Perhaps the lack of support and security you received on this plane made you connect to God more easily back then, which may indicate that you seek spiritual fulfillment in this life that you will use to help others build confidence and love in themselves. The I’s here indicate that you need to change the way you think of yourself in order to change your luck. September may have been very unlucky… but it’s not luck, really. Basically, if you say i don’t care, have low self worth, or let everyone else pick first- then you will get what no one else wants. It feels so counter intuitive to someone so spiritual to give much attention to the material plane, but there is a point in which self healing becomes too cerebral. We have to do, we have to focus on our health and physical well-being and our relationships in this life as they are and shape them into what we will them to be in our souls. I can only tell you this because I am literally doing it myself right now (thus the flow) and I know you can, too. You don’t need to be strong, you need to pull your infinite strength together and allow yourself to not be defined by those traumatic events as a person, you can heal, you can have a good life, I believe it for myself, and you. Good luck!


  2. Timothy Leary in his books on Mammalian politics (The Book of Good Practices and The Politics of Ecstasy) ascribed the thinking and actions of many leaders to their being locked into the period in society when they experienced their first sexual intimacy, as it is their first full body experience.

    In short people who were in their 20’s during the 1950’s were still stuck in that time period when they were in their 50’s during the 1980’s. We see this in older members of the GOP where the conservatism of the 1950’s still dominates their thinking.

    Whereas those who were a part of the flower power generation of the late 1960’s and 1970’s are those who in the 1990’s form the leaders of the more liberal and green parties.


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