People make mistakes and hurt other people’s feelings, but real pain is inflicted only to those who sincerely love. Emotionally close people have enormous power over us – power like no other holds.
You can escape a bad boss. You can avoid a wheeler-dealer. You can protect yourself from thieves with alarm doors and extra locks. But you can’t hide or escape from your own people.
We are connected with them through feelings, emotions, sympathy – and by having such a connection with them, we allow them to take power over us.
And that’s why when a close person causes us pain, it opens a wound that is hard to heal. And, believe it or not, cruel words and actions can lead to death.
Dr. Lowen, a cardiac surgeon said that all his patients were victims of close people. One had had a toxic relationship with their mother, another had had a despotic father. The third one had been left by a woman, and the fourth one had been a cheating wife.
Interesting is the fact that enemies didn’t bring those people to the hospital, loved ones did. “Emotionally Significant People”, there is even a term for it in psychology.
Because of this, some people are so afraid to love, to open their heat or even to believe, just not to give power to their “emotionally significant one”. You don’t cut the ‘umbilical cord’ from you mother on time, and you become weak and vulnerable to enemies and diseases.
We should be kinder with those who are emotionally dependent on us. Just be gentler, both with words and deeds.
And in spite of everything you like to be. Healing wounds can be someone who is “emotionally important”, writes Sullivan.
Psychologist, which causes respect and good feelings. A friend, who has an impact on us. A loved cousin, with life experience and social status.
It is the antidote to the betrayal and cruelty of those whom we loved with all our hearts. And maybe, we still love – love is illogical…
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