I’m not saying it’s wrong to be polite, but when you feel a compulsive desire to satisfy others, it can be dangerous for a number of reasons. Here’s why.
1.You suppress a lot of emotions
Your constant desire to feel loved and needed makes you suppress bad emotions. When I say bad emotions, I’m thinking of anger, hatred, pain, and stress- everything opposite of the altruistic picture you want to show.
You might not be aware of suppressing these emotions, but , trust me, it comes with the job description . You can’t give yourself to others completely and expect to feel good in the long run.
Emotional suppression usually results in physical or psychological disorders. Many chronic psychological and physical illnesses have being triggered by our neurotic desire to please others.
2. You feel extreme pressure to maintain your reputation
One of the worst things that happen when you are polite all the time, is the pressure that you feel because you have to maintain the image you created of yourself. It feels good when you avoid negative emotions and everybody else thinks you are a saint.
However this addiction comes with a cost – chronic stress. Many times we don’t even recognize this stress, but it’s there, always pushing us to keep the mask on, even though it could destroy you.
3. People use you.
When you please other people, you’re open to abuse. Narcissists, energy vampires, bullies and people in pain are easily attracted to you, like moths to a flame.
When you haven’t set your boundaries, or you have low self-confidence and you feel a constant need to please others, you become a perfect target. It’s like you are sitting there, waiting to be abused. You feel needed and wanted, but that’s a vicious circle.
4. You need to control everything
At first glance, pleasing people may look like a selfless act. Actually it’s a selfish one, you’re trying to control other people’s reactions towards you by behaving in a certain manner.
In fact, when your try to please others, it’s more about your desire to control them then to please them. Your need to be liked by others only represents your wish to control them, because deep inside you feel insecure and worthless.
This is why pleasing others is so draining. It defies the flow of life and it requires so much effort to be maintained.
5. No one actually knows who you really are
You seek people’s approval and it makes you suppress so much fear, so you become extremely vigilant. In fact, if you’re one of those people who want to please others, you might feel afraid to loosen up and relax because all the secret thoughts and opinions you have, may see the light of day. In other words you won’t have control over yourself.
No one actually knows for who you really are, you when you’re a person who pleases everybody – they only know your facade that you put on.
Unfortunately, your desire to be loved and your need to seek approval from others, often times backfires. You feel lonely and excluded. You end up feeling invisible, even though you are always the center of attention.