by Conscious Reminder
Have you ever met a perfectly honest person? I don’t believe your answer will be YES. Wearing masks has become a normal part of being human. Over the years, our mind has been conditioned to believe that there is a role we need to play, so we are just being responsible when we put on the costume and assume our position in society.
Whether that be the role of a perfect wife, a responsible employee or an enthusiastic volunteer, in time, the mask starts feeling so authentic and natural, that we end up feeling it’s more real than our true self.
The two biggest roles we play, take place within our family and work. They are so time-consuming, that we start identifying with the role as self. We don’t have the time to be who we really are. This is why depression and anger take swing when people retire or quit their job. They lose what they believed to be their identity and feel completely lost.
When children grow up and leave the home, parents are left looking at one another as if they’re strangers. The buffer that children created between the parents is now gone, and they are forced to reinvent their relationship. Often, it feels like getting to know your partner all over again, because the role you took upon prevented you to see how they grew and changed over the years.
These aren’t inevitable outcomes, but they do illustrate the danger of letting our roles become our selves, while our selves slip under the layers of masks we think are necessary.
Who am I?
“I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best.” ~ Walt Whitman
The million dollar queston: Who the heck am I? I think as humans we yearn for a sense of control and ultimate understanding. We seek guarantees, black and white descriptions, categories and labels and consistency.
So when this question pops up, we’re so often looking for something really concrete. That’s how we slip into those roles in the first place. I’m an accountant for a toy company. I have an ex-husband, two kids. I play D&D. I’m funny. Things we can write in a little notebook and keep track of.
But life is a whole lot more slippery — and more expansive — than a description. You are not the things you’ve done in your past (because let’s face it, everything you’ve ever done is behind you), just as you are not your potentiality, those things you haven’t done yet.
Instead, you’re this amazing, ever-shifting, logic-defying being that came from God, is made of God, and will return to God having experienced all the incredible things a single human being gets the opportunity to experience. You are a bonafide miracle, and miracles defy logic.
Taking off the mask
“People are just people, they shouldn’t make you nervous.” ~ Regina Spektor
When we hide, we are safe. It’s a natural reaction of a threatened creature to find a place that is as far away from the threat as possible. When we see the world — other people — as a threat, we find that dark, safe place within ourselves, buried deep so no one can find us. Nudging that true self out of hidden can be terrifying, especially if it’s been down there for years.
Fear of being hurt and fear of rejection often fuel the desire to stay hidden. And I have to be honest here: not every attempt to come out into the world as your real self will be successful. Many times I have felt like I reached one shaking hand out, only to have it bitten by some snarling beast I wasn’t prepared for.
Disheartening, yes, but not a reason to not try.
The Bhagavad Gita, Buddhist teachings, the Bible, all of these and more urge people to let go of the thought that we can control the outcome of our actions.
We don’t get to choose whether this person was friendly or not, even if we did go into a situation with the best intentions and an open heart. More often than not, you will find others who respond — sometimes in dramatic ways — to even your first baby steps of unveiling yourself.
Pushing through your comfort zone
“Do one thing every day that scares you.” ~ Mary Schmich
There are many ways to bypass your role and reconnect to your true self. One of the techniques you can use is to break out of your comfort zone by doing something ‘scary’.
When you push up against the first boundary and move into a place of discomfort, you begin to learn about yourself and the world.
When you push too far past, though, you move into danger, and risk the possibility of snapping back into your comfort zone and making it an even smaller space. Stay learning, but don’t force yourself into situations where you can’t see for all the fear around you.
The cool thing about a comfort zone is that it grows. Soon, what was learning becomes comfort, and what was danger becomes learning. The point is to get yourself doing something that doesn’t fit into your preconceived notion of yourself.
You can try making a list of all the things you swear you aren’t. I’m not a cook, I don’t do computers, I’m not a people person. Then find something to capitalize on one of those things and go into it with the idea that you’re just trying it on to see if it fits. No one is going to make you buy a new mask to wear — the goal is to shake off the masks you’ve been wearing.
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