by Conscious Reminder
One of the most popular phrases/concepts that people casually throw around without ever understanding its true meaning is probably love. It is no surprise that we seem to talk so much about love, it is as crucial to our existence as food.
Humans need love for survival. Sadly, we have come to such a passé that we have forgotten what true love is. We have so many contorted and twisted definitions around us, courtesy the popular media as well as our own experiences that we no longer know what it really is about.
We have a lot many notions of love in our head, but not all of them are necessarily, what can be called healthy. This inability to distinguish between the healthy kind of love and the unhealthy kind of love is one of the primary reasons why we see so many altercations and problems in our relationships.
And without getting to this root, we move on to the next person only to repeat the same pattern all over again. All our problems, be it anxiety, commitment issues, or withdrawal, all can be traced back to this.
The core value of love is the feeling of being safe in someone’s embrace/presence. When you trust that person wholeheartedly and know that they will keep you secure. The contentment arising from this knowledge is what love is all about.
However, we have so many grandiose versions of what/how love is supposed to be served to us since a young age that we have forgotten what lies beyond the flare and the fabulous. We have become so used to accepting and perpetuating these notions that we think that this is all there is to love. And when we don’t find this paraphernalia we think that this love too has failed.
Love isn’t the perfect couples’ selfie, or that matching outfit. It is the warmth that you associate with a person that cannot be imitated by anyone else. However all hope is not lost. No matter how fake the idea of love we have come to accept.
We still are capable of feeling and receiving true love. Love is one of our natural instincts. It might get buried under layers of conditioning but it can always be retrieved.
All of us know and can tap into that feeling; that of loving someone so much that you can entrust them with your life, knowing no harm will come your way as long as they are with you.
We feel the need to be the center of someone’s world; someone who is willing to keep our needs as their priority. This is how our first relationship bond is formed, that of a mother and child.
A secure attachment is one where the needs of the child are met, in a safe environment filled with attention and care. An insecure attachment is where one or more of these need were either neglected or met but in an unhealthy manner. We might have been just children, but we picked up when there was a strain in the relationship of our parents.
Most of us are not lucky enough to have secure attachment while growing up. Our parents were troubled and flawed and though they might have wanted the best for us, the insecurities they had seeped into the love we received. In worse conditions, there wasn’t even this pseudo love, there was abuse and neglect and abandonment.
We might not realize this but we are shaped by these incidences. We need to overcome the insecurities and anxieties and distrust our parents passed on to us. We need to learn to love again, anew. It is possible and all it requires is constant effort and perspective.
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