A lot of the guides on breakups say that the person suffering should contact their friends for support.
But what about the friend being contacted? What if they don’t have any idea how to help the brokenhearted?
The person in the friend’s role may want to help but cannot because they do not want to make matters worse by doing something wrong. So, read on to find out about staying mindful and helpful for that friend going through a tough time.
The Role Of The Friend
The friend must carefully think about the consequences of their words and actions on the person suffering.
What To Avoid
1. Always Ask Instead Of Assuming
Regardless of your personal experience of breakups, everyone has their preference of being cared for. Do not assume that you know best about what the brokenhearted wants. Be sure about it by asking them directly about their needs and wants.
2. Do Not Rely Too Much On Alcohol/Drugs
At the moment, crying over a bottle of alcohol can feel comforting. But take care not to make the brokenhearted over-reliant on substances such as alcohol or drugs as a means of reducing the pain. They are only temporary solutions. Getting through a breakup needs deep emotional processing.
3. Do Not Trash Talk The Ex
You might feel like doing it, especially if your friend’s breakup was ugly or the relationship was bad. But, over time, this is not going to help. This will just make the brokenhearted’s thoughts circulate around negative thoughts about their former lover.
4. Do Not Force Them To Do What You Want Them To Do
Similar to the first point, the healing process is different for every one of us. Avoid judging someone else’s healing process. If the pained friend engages in destructive behavior, try to support them and lovingly guide them towards value-aligned ways.
5. Do Not Try To Hurry It
Everyone has a different timetable when it comes to grief. Be very careful to not rush them by saying things like “get over it” just because we want them to. Setting time limits on healing milestones never helps.
How Friends Can Help
1. First, Communicate With Yourself
Before you jump into helping your friend, make sure you have the emotional, physical, and financial situation to see the commitment through. It is always more beneficial to let them know about how much you can help instead of giving empty promises.
2. Make A Safe Space
Make a space where your friend can feel safe talking about whatever they want without being judged or invalidated. It can be difficult at first, but practice makes perfect.
3. Validate The Feelings Of Your Friend
Regardless of the medium of communication, make sure that your friend knows that you are listening to and seeing them. Simple affirmative words like “I Hear You” go a long way in this.
4. Respect The Boundaries Of Your Friend
At times, the friend may not want to see or talk with anyone. If they clearly tell you this, then respect that request. Emotional boundaries ensure one’s emotional health.
5. Create Space To Grieve
Dealing with a breakup is a process of grieving. This is not a linear process either. Some days, the person can feel good, while the next they can be back to how they were. It is important to give them that space.
6. Make Your Friend The Focus Of The Conversation
One of the most important steps in enduring a breakup is remembering yourself as you are on your own. So, friends can help with that by asking them about their preferences.
7. Help With Self-Care
Interestingly, one can help with someone else’s self-care. It can be the littlest of things like collecting a personally curated K-Drama list that they may like.
8. Encourage Joy
It takes a lot to emotionally process a breakup. So try to be that friend who makes everything lighthearted. Try to make the one suffering more active like going on long drives, etc.
9. Contact Professionals If Needed
It can take anywhere between some months to a couple of years to get over breakups. Moreover, if you are really worried about their state, then think about contacting a professional. There’s only so much we can do, at the end of the day.
