“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
— Emily Brontë
Have you felt this way?
If you have, congratulations on finding your soulmate. The concept of soulmate can be pretty haunting if you believe you are a complete whole.
It is also very rare that you meet your soulmate. Life is a series of unpredictable happenings that make complete sense at some time.
A mate.
We want a mate, a match that turns our single into a pair.
A companion to talk to and hopefully share the deepest physical intimacy. Holiday with. Someone who keeps us company. Dependable friend, committed relationship. A partner.
There are two types of mates. They sound alike but mean very different things. As you read, consider these questions: Do you prefer a “sole” or “soul” mate and are you willing to be either?
A sole mate. Single, unique, only. My sex will be with you alone. Currently monogamous, possibly longer if things go well. For the duration of our relationship, I will only be physically present with you.
A soul mate. Spirituality, morals, and emotion are the soul. Heart, substance, individuality, and disposition. I will share my deepest thoughts and nobler qualities of affection, honor, duty, poetry, reverence, and beauty. Your company and touch will be missed. We will connect beyond the physical. Always will I share it with you.
A sole mate. Living with you will be safe and comfortable. Build a house and have nice things. We will define boundaries, ownership, and life business. We’ll work together and each contribute. A partnership—I’ll help if you help. However, I will always reserve something in case the relationship fails or you break your promise. Safe, comfortable, low-risk. Nice not being alone. Nobody’s perfect, so have an exit plan.
A soul mate. Our love is a bright star that guides us home, which is always wherever you are. I will share all our blessings with you in our home and endure any suffering with you. Your good and pain are mine. I don’t care if we’re rich, poor, or in between. All I have is yours. I prioritize your happiness over mine. To live forever with you—my home—is my joy.
A sole mate. Cohabitation requires communication. Temporary, friendly. We keep our dark thoughts to ourselves. Our greatest dreams are unknowable and best kept private. Work is business; struggles are personal. No need to tell me your problems—we have many friends to talk to. We keep it simple and fun. Anything more makes it uncomfortable.
A soul mate. One look tells me what you’re thinking. I’m eager to hear your thoughts on everything. Every word and gesture has meaning only I can read. We complete each other’s sentences. We share tales. Secret language, inside jokes, and shared memories. Our lives are so intertwined I don’t know if that’s your or my childhood memory. Despite not being there, I felt it with you. I know you well.
A sole mate. We shun conflict like the plague. Nothing wrong. We agree to disagree—peace every time. Since boundaries are set, arguments are rare. Friendly, respectful, but distant, we’re friends. It’s foolish to give up everything to someone else. Pride and self-confidence are essential. We’ll have sex in your space and mine. If issues arise, one of us must walk.
A soul mate. We’re so in sync that even minor offenses feel major. We suffer if we’re not heard or misunderstood. If we separate, I can’t function. I will not rest until we are one again. The world tilts off its axis if anything is wrong. I cannot sleep without your hand and forgiveness. I will surrender my soul, body, and will to you, lying vulnerable at your feet knowing I am safe.
A sole mate. Warmth, company, and happiness coexist. We enjoy ourselves. We have a good relationship. We’re bound by paper, nothing eternal. Our animal nature compels us to mate. We follow society’s rules when necessary, especially with kids. If you take too much of me or don’t meet my needs, I may have to move on. Someone younger and better may appear. Survival of fittest. My best interests must always come first, so I never risk too much. You are my “sole” mate because you benefit me and no one else. The law of the jungle says I or you will end this if that changes.
A soul mate. Our love is lifelong and passionate. You fulfill my fantasy, ideal, and dream. Our decades-long marriage has become a spiritual entity unto itself. Our long love shows the miraculous, eternal, and divine. That such a marriage is possible leads to belief in a God who perfectly matched us and then joined us as one flesh with His guidance. You’re my fate. My only love. My soulmate.
Ask yourself if your partner is your soulmate, if not, don’t worry. Here’s why you could find happiness without living with your soulmate:
1. Love Will Find A Way
As human beings we are bound to feel a plethora of emotions. Just as we enjoy different kinds of activities, we love a lot of people.
Why should you limit your experiences only to the idealized notion of your soulmate? Yes they exist, yes you can fall in love with them, yes they may leave too – the purpose of a soulmate is to help you grow.
Once you have an open heart and you let a lot of people in, you’ll automatically welcome all kinds of experiences. What matters in the end is who you love.
2. You Don’t Have To Be Stuck With Your Soulmate
A soulmate can be anyone from your teacher to your friend. Even if you find your soulmate and decide this is not what you want, it’s your choice to walk out of the toxic relationship.
You may have issues that the Disney movies fail to address. So it’s fine if you don’t tie the knot with your soulmate.
3. There’s No Guarantee
Sometimes things look like a fairytale on a paper but are actually different in reality. Your soulmate may not be your romantic partner, if he or she is, there’s no guarantee it’ll last forever.
Nothing is predestined, every relationship requires effort and you can’t force anyone to be there. Life is much more than finding a soulmate and getting married. Make friends, evolve and love.
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