by Vera Ingeborg
Much has been said and written on the phenomenon of twin flames. A lot of things and information circulate around, and you – being affected and in the middle of emotional chaos – are trying to find answers and to understand what it is that is exactly happening to you.
You shift between despair and hope, you ask yourself how you are supposed to survive any other day with all this pain, these questions, these confusing feelings and in parallel – in an attempt of coping with all of this – you try to find your way through the jungle of information on this topic, leaving you even more confused and helpless.
Unfortunately the metaphysical world in the meantime has become an attractive market with some serious, but a lot more half-baked or even unserious offers and services. It is hard to find the right people that actually do have the experience and knowledge that will indeed support you and do not only want to benefit from your desperate state of being.
At this early stage of the twin flame experience, you don’t care. You just want to hear that you will be with him or her and that everything is going to be fine if you just convince your partner or wait long enough. Let me tell you this: This is not the answer.
“At this early stage, all you want to hear is that you will be with your twin. This is not the answer.”
I know exactly how you feel. I have been there. After the most amazing, best and most fulfilling week in my whole life, filled with love, happiness and peace, it was taken away from me. And it was ugly. I have never felt such an intense pain in my life before. I have never cried so much without any relief. I could not understand why on earth I was punished so much after having found the love of my life and the solution and answer to all of what was missing in my life. That person I could be completely honest with, the person that I just had to look into the eyes and seeing pure eternal love and wisdom reflecting back to me, the person I could lean on and could share silence with. This person that just got me by looking at me, the one I completely forgot time and space with, and I was feeling such an intense and magnetic energy pull with – someone I never wanted to let go again. What I did not know back then – this was exactly what I had to do. Letting go.
So why another article on twin flames? Because I think it is about time to clarify some things and just be honest about it. The planet needs the powerful energies of twin flame couples very much and the more twin flames awaken and recognize their importance of their contribution to this planet, the better.
I am not an expert on this topic – neither have I fully understood what twin flames exactly are nor how this is to be explained from a metaphysical point of view. And I do not think that it is important to move forward. Much more important is to accept that this is a connection that cannot be understood on the mind level and it cannot be explained logically. It is something you feel and you experience and there is nothing that you have experienced before that you could compare it with. The problem is that our mind tries to do that though and attempts to fit this experience into a pattern it knows. And that is where the problems start.
I have been through all this suffering, ailing and the intense pain myself, had a lot of false hopes and dead end streets to experience where I had to turn around and pick myself up again. I learned a lot in a very short time. And this is what I want to share with you – to show you that it does not have to take years to get back to happiness and inner peace. It depends greatly on you and your willingness to move forward. All you need is to understand a few basic rules and to change your perspective on this connection. Your ego will give you a very hard time on accepting those rules, but once you have managed to quiet down your little chatter box in your head and you see through the mind fog right onto the heart, soul and spiritual level – everything becomes easier with each and every day.
So what does “letting go” really mean? Well, first of all, as this is the shorter answer: What does it not mean? It certainly does not mean to let go of your partner, as it is simply not possible. The energetic and spiritual bond you share is eternal and can never be broken. The more you try to severe it for good the more painful it gets. I can confirm this out of my own experience. You will need to find a way, how to accept this connection, how to handle it and how to use the energies you share with each other in a productive way.
With that said, here are my key learnings out of my own twin flame experience so far in terms of letting go:
1. Let go of your 3D behavioural patterns.
Don’t try to understand what is happening to you on your mind/ego level. It will only drive you crazy and create even more distance between you and the twin. Your ego will try to understand and analyse this connection out of its 3D view and will continuously fail to do so. It will try to blame yourself, your partner and others and it will try to make you chase the twin because of the immense fear of loss of love it has. As said, the twin flame union is nothing to be understood, it is to be experienced. All of your suffering and pain comes from the ego, not from your soul. So don’t get tired to put ego into the backseat. It is important though to not fight your ego but accept it. It is only trying to do its job to protect you and it really does not know any better. What helped me immensely was to give my ego a name so that I could talk to it and treat it like an ailing person, feeling compassion for it and at the same time being able to observe it with a distance and recognize that this is not my true self that is active right now. One day you will all of a sudden realize that your ego surrendered and now follows your heart. In the end – if you allow it to be – your heart is always stronger. This is when you start following your intuition and your inner guidance. So it is all about emotional dissolving and evolvement and understanding a new concept of love and relationship on a spiritual level.
2. Let go of any need of control.
You need to understand that twin flame unions are a Divine process with Divine timing you are not in control of. In earthly terms we would call it evolution. Your ego loves to control things to have an alleged secure environment. In trying to control this connection, all you do is wasting a lot of energy for nothing. This energy can be used much better for other areas in your life, as for example your mission or your own healing. All you can do is trust, relax and be patient and surrender to this process and hand it over to the Universe and your higher self, trusting that they know much better how this connection is supposed to develop and unfold. The only thing you can “control” and work on in this process are your own activities, emotions and attitudes. So focus on your own stuff and your own lessons. Don’t resist or fight against anything that is happening to you. Accept it, look at it without judging it or identifying with it and let it pass through you. Tell yourself that these moments will pass and that this is only your ego struggling, not your true self. You will notice after a while that these moments get less and that you step by step get rid of past patterns and behaviours and that you learn to love yourself and that you start to feel more and more unconditional love for yourself and everything around you.
3. Let go of the romantic idea.
A lot of twin flame stories and help sites out there romanticise the idea of twin flames very much. While I am absolutely sure that romance can be a part of the union, I am also convinced that it is not the first priority. It is a spiritual connection tied to a mission and is meant to propel your spiritual awakening and enlightenment and thus your soul purpose and your task why you are here on this planet. Accept and feel honoured that you are part of a much bigger plan than only being two people in love. Twin flames incarnated together to create high vibrating energy of Divine pure love to spread its light all over the planet and to actively assist the awakening and growth of other people. There is no guarantee that you will be together in the physical. This depends on free will, timelines and your life plan that you agreed on before coming here.
You have to learn that you don’t need your partner in the physical. Neediness is an ego thing. Accepting this fact will help you immensely to move forward, develop and grow and open up for other possibilities that life might hold in future for you. Dreaming, recalling good memories and tapping into your partner’s energies of course is allowed to give you the strength and motivation to move on – as long as you are not suffering and dwell in self-pity.
So focus on your own spiritual growth and enjoy the process. Don’t think about the goal but enjoy the baby steps you take in healing and the big and little lessons, glimpses, insights, epiphanies that teach you something every day.
Realize that you would not have developed and grown in such a short phase if your partner would have been there for you. And be proud of it!
Do not forget to be grateful for this Divine experience. It helped me a lot to keep a gratitude journal and to put down everything I am grateful for in this process. It takes a bit to change your perspective, but once you do, you will recognize that even the toughest moments are meant to serve and strengthen you and have their purpose.
4. Let go of any expectations.
Our ego is trained to permanently expect something from others. Stop expecting anything in this connection, no matter if it is in terms of timing (e.g. “my partner will get in touch within the next week, month”) or reactions (“he will feel bad or guilty about his behaviour”) or his awakening process (“he must have been through this by now”). Your partner has his own free will and needs to go through his or her experience and development on his or her own. There is nothing you can do or say directed towards him or her to speed up that process. It is an internal process for them that they have to go through at their own speed. All you can do to support is working on yourself and your own development and hold a spot for them in your heart and feeling your unconditional love for them without any blame or regret. This will take pressure away from the connection and will help both of you to move on. Enjoy the fact that you are connected on the spiritual level and appreciate their energies to support you in moving forward.
In order to deal with my expectations, I embraced this needy and control-freaky side of myself without judging myself for it or identifying with it. Then I started to give myself some rules such as – check your mobile phone only twice a day. Step by step these attachments dissolved more and more until they were gone completely.
5. Let go of your role as a victim.
Understand that it is always about you. Don’t blame your partner for the pain you are experiencing. Understand that this connection brings up all past imprinted patterns, templates and fears that you are forced to take a look at. You will learn what still needs healing inside of you. You will discover the potentials you carry inside of you that need to be awakened. So facing and releasing your own fears and learning your own lessons is a big part of this connection. Deal with traumas and behavioural patterns of the past and work on your self-love. Only if you find the love within yourself you will be able to give and receive this love to others especially to your twin flame partner. You have to understand that wholeness comes from within, and that no one can make you whole except yourself. A relationship in the physical is an added benefit but nothing that will give you the feeling of being whole.
It helped me a lot to write down how I see this situation out of my perspective as a victim and then out of my perspective as a grown-up person that has control over herself. It is unbelievable what a big difference there was between my mind/ego attitude and my soul/spirit/heart attitude.
Once you have accepted the higher purpose of this union and decided to move on, you will most likely experience an awakening process “on speed”. This is far from being comfortable. But just be assured that this is perfectly normal and necessary and that eventually you will feel better. You will probably go through a period of intense cleansing and all your demons of the past will show their ugly faces to you. You will have extreme highs and lows and you will live your life on an emotional rollercoaster for a while. There will be times when you just ask yourself how much longer you will be able to take this and that you just want all of this to end. In parallel to the cleansing, your twin flame encounter has triggered a change in your energy system, so you will probably experience all sorts of unfamiliar energy movements in your chakras that can feel very intense and even hurtful and very confusing.
Additionally, due to your frequency rising, you will probably become more and more sensitive also to other people’s energies and emotions, especially those from your partner and you will have to learn to distinguish what is yours and what is not. It could even be that you will be affected by EMF fields, moon cycles or other natural events like earthquakes or solar flares. When experiencing moments like this it is very important to observe the energies closely to get more familiar with them and how your own emotions feel different from the ones that hit you from externally.
“Your frequency is rising and you will probably become more sensitive to other energies around you”
There will probably times of extreme fatigue when all you want to do is rest and you will have all kinds of physical symptoms such as skin-breakouts, headaches, flu-like symptoms etc. Just give it time and be patient. It is nothing to be afraid of, you will heal and feel better.
You also will most likely notice that your body is changing and you will have different cravings than you used to. For example for months, all I wanted to eat were greasy stir fried vegetables and pasta, I could not cope with alcohol and caffeine anymore and I had an intense urge to go running and to spend time outside in nature touching trees. All of this was huge need for grounding. My so far very pale and sensitive skin all of a sudden got very tanned by only a little bit of sun, and I lost 10 kg within only 3 months. It is almost like getting an upgrade of your system.
You might experience that your connection to the spiritual realms will intensify, that your self-talk increases and your interest in energy work and understanding energy better might grow. I can assure you, although you might think that you are becoming mentally ill, this is not the case. A whole new world starts opening up to you. Embrace it and listen to the new voices and energies around you. You are about to learn a new language that can only be felt, not spoken.
On days you feel weak and down, take as much time for yourself as you can, be kind to yourself, sleep, relax, go outside into nature, take a bath, write a journal, paint, listen to your favourite music –whatever feels calming and soothing for you in this moment.
It might help you to exchange with people and/or healers who understand this connection. Unfortunately, family and friends, although they want to help you will not understand what you are going through and why you cannot detach from this connection, so their advice – although meant to make you feel better – has often the reverse effect and makes you rather sad or angry. Try to redirect the energies into something useful, like helping friends or brighten the days of someone around you, even if it is just holding the door for someone or complementing a waiter in a café, work on your life mission ideas…
“On days you feel weak, be kind to yourself. On days you feel great, celebrate it!”
On days you feel great, celebrate it. Enjoy and be playful and use your energies to move forward with your life and soul purpose.
In general: Be patient with yourself and your partner when going through this awakening process. Your partner is suffering just as much and needs your understanding and support with it, although you might not be in touch right now. He or she is incredibly scared to lose his or her individuality and the control. Just as your ego does not surrender over night, theirs will not either. There are no guarantees that they will ever get there. The only golden rule I can give you, proven by my own experience is that the faster you surrender and let go and decide to focus on yourself instead of your partner, the quicker your own healing takes place and you notice improvements in your well-being and motivation to move on with your own life.
So – as you probably are interested – what about me?
I have not heard from him for over four months now. He ended the contact abruptly without any warning signs beforehand. Actually I thought that everything was on a good way after the last conversation we had. And then – complete silence. Three months ago I would not have believed that it would be possible for me to live my life without him. But I do know now that it is possible and now that happiness, joy and inner peace returned to my life, I am absolutely confident that everything is exactly the way it should be. I got used to the fact that he is present in my energy field every second of my life and I learned to accept him there and take him with me wherever I go sharing my experiences with him on the spiritual level. I learned how to use our energetic connection for momentum in my own evolvement and growth.
Nevertheless, I still have my bad days once in a while and I know that I will have to continue to focus on myself. Because in the end, this is what it is all about. Finding back to your inner Source, to your self-love, realizing that you have everything inside of you to make yourself whole.
I will not promise you a life in eternal bliss and happiness, and I don’t believe that this is what we came here for. We came here to grow back into our Divine powers and to become the best version of ourselves and to assist to move this planet forward and to support ascension of the planet and humanity.
As long as we are in human form, there will always be ups and downs because that is just the natural law of cycles. So all we can do is working on keeping the cycles in a range that we can deal with and even enjoy them and learning how to go with the flow. Once we realize that even the tough times are meant to serve and strengthen us and as we learn to see the positive sides also in the shitty moments, then everything becomes a lot easier.
There are still days when I do not feel well and emotions, whether mine or from others or the planet hit me. The rule is always the same. Observe, accept, don’t judge or blame yourself or others and let it pass through you. Be kind to yourself and use the energy these emotions provide you with for momentum and transform them into something useful. Don’t be surprised by anger but use it wisely. Anger can be a great emotion to be transformed into motivation to change something and grow. It always helps me to imagine these energies being redirected into my heart chakra and transformed into Source energy there.
My whole life has turned around ever since I met him. I changed my career, I separated from my husband, I moved to a new city, starting from scratch. The relationship to my family changed a lot to the better. Toxic people and situations disappeared from my life. Every other aspect of my life is better than before and for the first time I am doing what I truly want and what I truly identify with. I found the beginning of my journey how to contribute to move this planet forward. No more fake compromises. I am absolutely free and independent. For this alone, I will always be thankful to him.
In the meantime, I enjoy being in the now and – most of the time – enjoy the unpredictability of life.
“It is like watching my own Hollywood movie, knowing there will be a happy end, but I just don’t know how it unfolds yet.”
Let’s put it that way. It is like watching my own Hollywood movie, knowing there will be a happy end, but I just do not know how it unfolds yet. All I do know is that there will be bumps and a little bit of drama along the storyline to keep it interesting and packing. By taking this attitude, the twin flame experience can even be fun.
Additional note: This article was written in April 2015 as a measure of self-help in my own awakening process. It took me a while to be brave enough to share my story and published it in October 2015 for the first time. I hope it will inspire you and help you to move on in your own process.
About the Author: Vera Ingeborg is an intuitive writer, energy coach and gridworker, traveling the world as a digital nomad to anchor, connect and work with the higher frequencies all over the planet and with people that are ready for exiting the 3D matrix. You can learn more about her and her work and services here:
www.thewakeupexperience.eu, www.own-it-retreats.com
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