The Giver, The Fixer And The Pleaser

Are you too good for your own good? Do people take advantage of your good nature? Have you ever found yourself being taken for granted, used, or abused in your relationships?

As an Empath, I’ve found myself to be the recipient of other people’s ill will many a time.

People have taken my innocence and kindness as a green light to cross the boundaries of human decency.

At times I’ve felt weak, naive, foolish and downright pathetic.

The repetitive nature of my encounters with takers, players, narcissists, and all manner of psychos led me to finally ask myself some serious questions:

Why do you give so much of yourself so readily and freely?

A psychological term called Rejection Anxiety enlightened a multitude.

According to this theory, human relationships are so charged with the wish for pleasure and the fear of rejection that it’s almost impossible to keep them healthy and balanced.

The human brain doesn’t like uncertainty. We don’t like to lose control of our thoughts and emotions.

We also have an innate need to be loved and accepted. This ingrained need drives us to behave in ways so as to earn other people’s love and acceptance.

In personal relationships, we go to great lengths to beautify our bodies, shower the other person with gifts, and show them that we’re just like them, all in an attempt to unconsciously gain emotional control over the other person.

We turn on our wit, turn up our charm, and show our super patient, supportive and helpful selves. We transform into their dream partner. How could they not love us?

Problems often start to arise when we get ahead of the other person. I don’t mean physically, but emotionally and energetically.

This can create an imbalance in the dynamic of the relationship.

When you give too much too soon, the other person can get a little suspicious.

Your energy can begin to feel stifling. The other person can feel smothered, pressurized, may be unable to keep up with your expectations.

Suddenly and seemingly unexpectedly, they break up with you, which hurts like hell, but is always a much better option than the alternative:

You get played, taken advantage of, used, abused, pushed to the limit, sucked off every drop of life running through your veins… for as long as you allow it.

And all this because you’d rather be used than rejected.

Not everyone who behaves like this is a bad person by the way.

But a lot of people who allow themselves to be treated like this suffer from an underlying fear of rejection.

The truth, as sad or unbelievable as it might seem, is that the people we choose to hang out with are often mirrors of our own selves; they reflect unhealed childhood wounds.

And we all have them.

This does not mean there is something wrong with you. You are not broken, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and you don’t need pills or a lifetime of therapy to fix you.

You are good enough. In fact, you are perfect just as you are. You should be proud of yourself and embrace every bit of your beautiful soul.

However, for your own safety, well-being and happiness, in a future post I will reveal the psychological strategies that allowed me to finally break the cycle of madness that once almost killed me.


About the Author: Gizi Aparicio is a personal development coach, yoga and mindfulness teacher. For over 10 years, she has taught courses all over the world. A sought-after speaker and writer, she regularly appears in the media. The stories, poems and teachings in this blog are intended to inspire the soul, uplift the spirit and enlighten the way. May they help you overcome life’s tests with compassion, grace and resilience. May they help you be happy.


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