There are a ton of articles out there you can find that will tell you about the meeting phase, the runner/chaser phase, the harmonizing phase and all the rest, what I’m going to write to you about today are the real life phases you’ll experience and the emotions that go along with them when you encounter your twin flame.
My personal philosophy is that there are enough people out there telling you every theory under the sun and you will find teachings that resonate with you. I am here to be real with you. I am here to say, yeah twin flames, fantastic, big picture ethereal reunion, shifting planet energy and all that, but right now, your heart feels like it’s been ripped through your nose and you don’t know how to breath anymore. Or you’re living your entire life in the shadow of waiting for them to come back to you. You’ve convinced yourself you have no strength and power of your own and you are dwindling.
All the theories in the world are fantastic, but let’s deal with the real world stuff first, so we aren’t incapacitated from life anymore.
I will be entirely honest that I think twin flames has become somewhat like a religion, each sect of people holding passionately to their beliefs. I believe the real truth lies somewhere in between it all. I believe most people are expecting a twin flame to be something it won’t ever be, and I believe many, many people are trying to give the term twin flame to relationships that are simply unhealthy and toxic so they have some justification for staying in them.
All these things have their reasons and the fact is that as long as you’re getting something from a situation or relationship, you’ll find a reason to stay in it.
I truly believe to the depths of my soul that the only way to get through life, happy, whole and experiencing your magic, is to live authentically in your truth. Whatever you chose to do, doesn’t matter near as much as why, and if you are consciously aware of it. When we have awareness, when we have enlightenment, we have power and at the end of the day, that is the thing I wish for all of you, truth over denial, power over limitations.
Below are my own opinions based on my own experience, study, research and talking to hundreds upon hundreds of twin flames. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. You are here for a reason, I pray you are blessed
1. Shock and Awe
The very first thing you’ll discover is the deep sense of knowing. You’ll feel this person in your soul. This happens with all types of soul bonds, but there is a weight that comes with the twin flame meeting that doesn’t with the others. This isn’t so much, Oh, I know you, as, Oh, I’ve been looking for you.
If you’ve never really felt that before, you won’t have the words to entirely describe the sensation, but it will be a blend of comfort and excitement that is unmatched to anything else and it’s this feeling that will bring on a state of awe and euphoria that will last potentially for months.
At first everything is very wonderful and beautiful. You are experiencing awakenings left and right, your chakras are lighting up, you may be having past life flashes, expanded spiritual awareness, possibly even telepathy and other forms of contact that aren’t within the physical realm. You are not crazy, this happens to all of us.
The sex will be unlike anything you’ve ever felt because there will be this deep connection of souls. It won’t be a mere physical act, you will be bonding and reconnecting on all levels imaginable. In some cases, the intensity will scare one or both of you right away, or you may both be able to simply stay in the moment and enjoy every sensation.
It’s a coming home. It’s most likely what you’ve searched for all your life and you feel blessed beyond words that this actually exists, and you’ve got it.
My advice to you in this phase… ENJOY EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF IT.
Do not over analyze it, do not fear it, do not hold back. Dive into these sweet blissful waters and swim in the deep end because in my experience, they never come back around again and they are absolutely not to be missed.
2. Rough Waters
One of the biggest aspects of the twin flame is that it mirrors back to you all the areas you have wounds. Every place that you are not acting in your best interest, and where you need to grow.
That is painful.
There is no two ways about it.
Going through this part of the process, that can start as soon as a few weeks into the relationship, is like walking through fire. In my personal experience, we had about two months of the honeymoon period where all was right with the world, we were in awe of finally having found one another and we knew there could be no deeper love than what we were feeling at the time.
Then the pain started. Fights over stupid things that felt like the world hinged on it. Painful reminders of abandonment, rejection, insecurities and jealousies. It all started coming out of the woodwork. He also met someone else who, at first, was just a fun distraction since he lived so far away, but later became the perfect place for him to run to.
My advice to you in this stage is stay aware, be intentional, be damn honest with yourself and most of all, be prayerful.
Without my guides leading me through this field of landmines, I’m not sure how I would have made it. You connect with what you know as god and you hold on for dear life. You do the work that’s being brought to you. All those fears and hurts, pain, and past issues, as they come up, you deal with them, you clear them. That is why you’re here, that is your purpose during this phase and no you don’t get to say, Yeah this isn’t fun anymore, I think I’m done. The universe will not allow it. You are in it, you find a way to get through it.
In many ways, this is the most difficult time and you’re best to hold on, seek god, and ride it through. You can’t make choices for your twin, but you do make them for yourself. In the end of my relationship, my twin chose his fears over us, in the end I chose god, myself and a higher purpose over him.
Union is not easy. I have to live my life out in my own truth that I am separated from my twin, but that while I was in that relationship, it did everything it was supposed to and that’s in large part to how I responded to it and how I navigated it.
You are not a victim to this. You have far more power than you know. Find it. Use it.
3. The Doormat
Hear me out… yes, we all want reunion, but at any cost?
Some twin flame unions can turn abusive and that is never something you should stay in.
This is why I say, be aware. Be aware of what is happening. You and this other person may be two halves of the same soul, but that does not give them the right to treat you with anything less than dignity and respect.
That being said, do your own inventory of how you’re being with your twin. Has this become all about you and what you want?
I would remind you to treat your twin with the same dignity and respect you want to be treated with. You cannot force reunion and furthermore, the mirror does work both ways. Remember that your twin is in pain as well as you at this point. Their stuff is coming up as much as yours is. That’s not to say you should bend over backwards to let them be in less pain, it’s simply important to acknowledge that you are both going through something very difficult. Too often we get entirely self absorbed and just think that if our twins would give in, everything would be fine. We put the blame of conflict entirely on them, their fears, their unwillingness to do it our way when what we should be doing is looking inward and upward, loving them in the purest sense of the word, while we love god and ourselves.
This relationship is a triangle in the truest sense of the word and we must remember that.
The other big point – Being a twin flame to someone does not give you rights to abuse or otherwise victimize a person and we always have the right, the ability, and the responsibility to say, “No, you cannot treat me like this.”
I feel very strongly that too many of us act in fear of “losing” this other person and give them far more leeway than we ever would anyone else. I believe what we are doing in this phase is nothing more than enabling these people, these ones we say we love so dearly, to never grow, to never have their dark night of the soul, to never find their awakening that would lead them back to us in full reunion.
You are not serving your twin by being a doormat to them. I cannot express this strongly enough.
On some level you feel your twin slipping away and panic has begun to take hold.
This is the stage that gets ugly because we too often get it into our heads that all that has to happen for this to work. is to get the other person to see us in person, and quite frankly, fuck us. (pardon my language)
We start to believe that our twins are merely under some kind of spell, we feel them pulling away, we know we are losing them. Often times they have stopped seeing us, but have kept an online channel open. It is here where we do the things we will most regret on the other side. This is where we are in danger of losing our dignity.
There is nothing you can do at this point, but surrender and trust there is a bigger plan at play. In my experience and countless consultations, separation does seem to be inevitable.
I’m not telling you to give up… I’m telling you to surrender to that which you know is greater than you. There is a huge difference there.
The truth is there is not a twin flame couple I know of who isn’t in, or hasn’t gone through, separation. Separation has purpose all it’s own and we’ll get to that next, but for this stage, when you feel that desperate, you are about to lose the most wonderful thing you’ve ever known feeling, I would beg you to have faith, accept what is happening, and trust there is a bigger plan at work here.
That will probably be the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life, but if you can manage it, it will make all the difference in the world for how quickly you will regain your life afterwards.
5. Soul Tearing – Unbearable Pain – Also know as Separation
Inevitably every twin flame couple comes to this stage. I have never heard of one that doesn’t. More often than not, there is a tearing apart, unbearable pain, a reunion that doesn’t work and we repeat.
One word of caution here, I know of twins who go back and forth in this separation phase for decades. I do not see the point to this. This kind of coming together, breaking apart damages the soul the way the wave erodes the shore.
One of the things you simply must do when you are in separation, is give some serious thought to what this relationship needs to be in order for you to accept it back into your life.
You have the right to say no to this person if they come back and their presence will be detrimental to your life. True reunion is supposed to be a thing of beauty and it takes a lot of damn hard work to be ready for that. If you’ve become that person and they haven’t, then send them back out, they have more work to be done.
If they are not serving your highest good, if they have come back out of some lower energy need for control or co-dependency, I would beg you to stop that cycle immediately. I hear all the time, he can’t keep away from me, it’s the twin flame connection.
I would dare say it’s not the twin flame connection as much as it’s the fact you allow them to get away with crap no one else will, therefore they are comfortable with you. They know you always welcome them back no matter what they do. They love that they never have to change, you accept them for exactly who they are.
That’s not the twin flame. That’s basic human dependency and abuse.
I see a frightening trend beginning where groups of people, mostly women, are all commiserating over these unhealthy painful relationships they are in, justifying every behavior with, “Well, he’s my twin, you know how it is.” And everyone in the group will come back with, “Hugs, yeah we know. You’ll get through it.”
We are acting crazy here. This is not how it is to be. These relationships are supposed to light up the world, if yours isn’t, then take a long hard look at what’s really going on and make a stand for yourself and for what the relationship truly can become.
This cycle can go on for years and if you hear nothing else from this article, hear this…
Your twin flame journey is here to serve you and serve the planet, if it is not, then something must change. Do not let it drag you around like you’ve fallen from a merry-go-round and your clothing has stuck on the horse.
You have power and control in this, and every situation in your life. You do what you must to be strong, to be whole, to be well. Do not fall into this pattern of together-apart and let it tear your soul to pieces.
Once you have experienced the first separation, it is time to start doing your own work. It is time to start processing everything you’ve been through and most importantly, it’s time to decide what you need from this relationship and what you will and will not accept. Because in most cases, this person does come back, but if you are just glad to have them back and think your connection is going to work everything out magically, I’d ask you to go back to the top and read these stages again.
Even if it means they leave again, you need to do what’s right by god, for yourself, and for the whole of this relationship.
6. It was never a twin flame (also known as “near twin fever”)
At some point we all get sick to death of the whole mess and we wish we’d never heard the term twin flame. Well, here’s where we put on our big girl/boy panties, suck it up and accept our truth… our twin swept through our life like a wild fire, we feel beaten, broken, bloody and bruised, but it’s time to assess the damage and find a way to carry on, without rewriting history.
This is the beauty of separation.
It is a gift in truth because no one can withstand that kind of intensity for endless amounts of time. We need a time to step back and assess what’s just happened. We need to ask ourselves all the hard questions, honestly dig through wounds that were opened, what you learned, deal with your anger and disappointment and become the creature this relationship came into your life to reveal.
At this point in the game we feel stupid. We feel like we gave our hearts in the biggest way imaginable and were rejected. We may feel like we were played and lied to, but I would offer up that in the case of a true twin flame experience, your other half went through the wringer ever bit as much as you did, they just handled it differently, internalized it differently and were probably quieter about it. Keeping much of their fears and emotion to themselves, but don’t dismiss their pain, because they felt it too.
Do not do a disservice to yourself, or the holiness of this relationship by rewriting history.
Do not spend the next three months looking for loopholes and ways to wiggle out of all you felt and experienced.
This is a time for honest self reflection and a debriefing of all you went through.
Maybe they weren’t your twin, but you better be sure before you start flying that banner. Because your truth will surface and if it’s that they ARE indeed your twin, then you’ll have to go through it all over again because rather than dealing with it and evolving, you buried it and hid in denial.
The universe doesn’t respond well to the latter.
7. Acceptance, Peace, and even Joy.
After phase 5, you hit a fork in the road.
One path leads to 6, the other to 7. For some, they find 7 at the end of 6, for others they never find 7 at all and that, in my opinion, is an absolute tragedy.
You’ve been through the fires of hell and this is your reward, don’t cheat yourself of that because you didn’t want to do the work.
This stage is rare, but I know people, myself included, who actually find this elusive acceptance of it all and with it comes peace, joy and purpose like you’ve never felt before.
There are happy endings and there is purpose to the twin flame, even if it ends in separation.
Fact is, none of us know the future. My guides are forever telling me “All things change in a heartbeat” I can’t tell you how many times I experience that. Something you never saw coming suddenly shows up in your life and your entire world is different.
This happens good and bad. Our twin flame is usually this, but my guides tell me all the time, for as much as I loved my twin, I didn’t know that kind of love existed before I felt it… who’s to say there’s not something greater?
I am a hopeless romantic and eternal optimist and I do believe in great love and couples defying all odds to be together. I live each day expectantly of a partner that will come into my life and be that great love and because of what I’ve been through, I’m ready for it in ways I never knew you needed to be ready. I know plenty of people who think it’s not possible to love anyone other than your twin, but in my soul, I know I will love even deeper than I did my twin and when this happens, I’ll be grateful on a deeper plane than I’ve ever known to my twin who came into my life and tore me apart so I could have everything I ever wanted and fulfilled the purpose of my life here.
Yes, the twin flame is that powerful. It is that special. We just need to stop shoving it into a box and trying to contain it. It’s a wild beast and it will do what it will.
Hold on. Cling to your understanding of god. And love with everything you are.
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