by Pam Wood,
Contributing Author, Conscious Reminder
Oh lord. That my friends, is easy for you to say. Or me for that matter.
Actually it is.
You see, I know from the many clients I’ve had the privilege to work with over the years and my own very convoluted, healing journey, that this feeling good about who we really are thing, doesn’t have to be a long drawn out, sordid & painful affair to reach its lofty ideals. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.
Rampage of Appreciation
Let’s go on a Rampage identifying the mess we’ve gotten ourselves into, how we got where we are and what we can do to turn ourselves around.
- We get stuck in victim-mentality because we’re firmly entrenched in the ill-advised belief that we have no control or power over our own lives.
- We relinquish accountability for ourselves so others can and do take over. (Others, by the way, less qualified than ourselves to be the CEO of us!)
- We live in fear that we’re unloveable and will never find true love – ever. So we may settle for a love that’s less than.
- The overriding and underlying feeling that’s at the root of our debilitating behaviour is that we are just not good enough.
This list is by no means definitive, there’s more but I think you get where we’re going with this.
Why are our limiting beliefs about ourselves pretty universal? And they are. No one gets out ‘alive’ as it were. We’re not alone in this dysfunctional, human predicament. For the answer we need to look at child development. Children’s brains are forming, learning, adapting and accepting all truth as told, until the brain forms critical rationale to figure out that it’s all a load of crock at a much later stage, by then too late to undo harmful indoctrination tantamount to brainwashing.
The Science
In the Open Journal of Social Sciences, 2015, Khaled Habib & Tarek Soliman cited in their research that:
“Factors that sculpture children’s ways of thinking are found mostly in the environment where they grow up. These include daily events, memorable experiences and peak feelings…
The connections that are created in the child brain, the neutrons, the synapses firing off and creating joined up thinking, permanent connections, strengthen by repeating experience, or are weakened by not being used. Starting at the age of 11, kids start losing the connections that are not used. The ones that are enforced through repeated experiences, do affect the child brain structure and sculpture his way of thinking.
From the above we conclude that:
The first experiences have their mandatory stamp in the child’s brain structure, and consequently the child’s way of thinking and behavior.
And any experience however less frequent still has its effect on the brain structure, however repeated actions till the age of 12 are highly effective and leave their life time effect.
Experience to the child is what he watches with his eyes, hears with his ears and lives through his feelings.”
So, we get stuck in an occupational hazard, a repetitive syndrome that reprises outmoded, childhood expressions of visceral fear that color and inform our adult lives. You could say we’re child brains walking around in adult bodies. A recipe for disaster if you ask me. Yeah, I know you didn’t, but stay with me on this.
The epitome of this child/adult is on our TV screens in Reality Shows and Soaps which parade narcissistic, grotesque displays of ego-fuelled, toddler tantrums and attention-seeking, dysfunctional behavior which are developmentally relevant in age-appropriate 2 year-olds but wholly inappropriate in an adult. And don’t even get me started on the criminal element of our society. All just a sad reflection of our ignorance propagating a desperate lack of social and moral conventions.
Lack of Trust
At the core of such infirmity in the psyche is a deep mistrust of the self
- We have lost the love that keeps us whole.
- We resort to looking for it externally.
- We are driven to be filled up by an other, by drugs, by food, by alcohol, by sex…
- We are insatiable consumers.
- We can never be satisfied.
- We are lost and lonely.
- We are sad & often depressed and can’t figure out why.
- We feel abandoned.
- We feel unseen – no one gets us.
- We feel irrelevant.
- We feel a victim of circumstances.
- We feel unloved.
- We’ve lost our way home
Still My Beating Heart
These are feelings we seek to escape from by numbing them with instant gratification. My own ‘drug’ of choice was to stupefy my stress and anxiety with food. Nah! Who am I trying to kid? With copious amounts of food so I didn’t have to feel uncomfortable emotionally; I’d rather feel physically compromised than feel the fear I had around my obvious avoidance techniques.
I’d rather put my sorry ass into a state of little or no sensibility; benumb my faculties, put myself into a stupor and stun with a narcotic ‘gun’. All just to hide an overwhelming sense of urgency to do better, to disguise an abiding M.O of self-dislike and give myself a compelling argument to my becoming adept at people-pleasing. This obfuscating behavior was mostly draining, decidedly devitalising and the sensationally negative emotions were ‘killing’ me softly.
How’d I come out of all that? I asked for help. Firstly from my coach who showed me that my own considerable, inner resources were always available to me, they were still alive and kicking even if I were struggling to stay afloat and how to connect with my soul, my higher self, my spirit where lived all my answers and all my solace.
I committed. I put the work in. I set my intention. I made my demands. Then to my amazement, astonishment, in shock and awe, I had an astounding result. I felt free to be me for perhaps the first time in my life. The me I’d taken such great pains to hide from the world. I was able to take off the mask and vow to never abandon me ever again.
I felt my love for me and that gave me everything.
3 Ways to Love You!
MEDITATE
Sit quietly in a calm space. Light a candle. You are deeply honoring you. Breathe deeply. Tap in. Tune out. Feel your being with your heart. Give you gratitude for being you with love.There’s no right or wrong way. Just be. Mindfully be.
VISUALIZATION
Breathe. Count 7 to 1. On each count see yourself going down a flight of stairs one at a time. At the bottom you find yourself in a safe, beautiful forest. You start walking along a winding path, feel the soft, warm breeze, hear the rustle of the leaves, the birdsong and you see your higher self coming towards you. You feel blessed in their presence and ask what they want you to know right now. They give you a gift, a symbol. Whatever it is, it’s your answer. Trust your intuition. Thank them and walk back along the path, to climb the steps & count 1 to 7. On the count of 7 come back into the room. Write down your impressions. Repeat often.
HO’OPONOPONO
Practice the Hawaiian art of reconciliation and love, forgiveness and gratitude.
Firstly, to and for yourself, then extend to others.
If you repeat this beautiful mantra for at least 21 days, you will feel a well of love so deep and profound, your healing is not only assured it is inevitable.
I wish you love.
About the Author: Pam Wood (DipEd, certECBS, CMBC) Certified Intuitive Transformational Life Coach & Mind/Body Therapist, explains how digging deep and pulling out the innermost workings of your distorted beliefs can be a fast-track to your total wellbeing; longevity, emotional health, physical health & vitality and profound happiness. www.thegardenofdivineelements.co.uk
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