5 Questions You Should Ask Your Partner During Conflict

by Kay Carter,
Contributing Author, Conscious Reminder

Having a conflict is never fun, especially when it’s with someone you care deeply for, like your partner.

However, as humans, we’re bound to get into disagreements, have differences of opinions, and need to feel that we’re correct. So, how do we find a way out of that mess? Here are five questions to ask your partner during conflict.

1. How Do You Feel Things Are Going?

Often, conflict arises from focusing on our own feelings. This can lead to a loss of emotional connection with our partner and isolation within a relationship.

By asking for the other person’s opinion of the relationship, you open the door for communication and connection by demonstrating that their opinion matters.

2. Am I Understanding You Correctly?

All too often, conflicts escalate due to a lack of understanding or a miscommunication. If you’re in the heat of an argument and can’t see a way through, ask this question to make sure that everyone is on the same page.

In doing so, you can prevent the fight from escalating without reason and maintain your cool.

3. Do You Trust Me?

One of the biggest underlying causes for conflict is a lack of trust. Whether there’s been a serious breach of trust in the past, or you are simply seeking to better understand your partner’s feelings, this question will help boil things down to where the real issue lies.

When discussing difficult topics like this, it’s important to be respectful and to create a safe space for mutual vulnerability. According to House Method, when you’re dealing with conflict, make sure you’re treating your partner with respect and dignity. Try to avoid screaming, eye rolls, and crossed arms. This will help both partners feel comfortable being honest.

4. How Can We Adjust Our Expectations?

All relationships will evolve and transform over time. As a result, it’s important to understand that expectations may need to be renegotiated so that each partner feels seen and supported.

If you and your partner are constantly arguing over unrealistic expectations that one or the other tends to hold, it could be time to re-evaluate what your actual relationship dynamic will entail.

5. How Can We Be a Better Team?

Ultimately, if you didn’t care so much for each other, you wouldn’t be as upset over a disagreement. Asking this question is a wonderful way to show your partner that you are committed to your union and are willing to work together—with their opinions—to make things work out in the long-term.

Navigating conflict is never a fun or easy task, especially for couples who have supported each other through many of life’s ups and downs.

This is why it can be difficult to know which questions to ask, to help you make it out of the disagreement and onto the other side. Rest assured, you’re not the only person at a loss for words.

Next time you find yourself in the middle of an argument, know that you can rely upon these questions to help you through.

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