by Conscious Reminder
Resentment is not the same as anger. Anger is more of a reactive spark that is also quick. Resentment, on the other hand, is a gradual burn.
Ayanna Abrams, a clinical psychologist with a Psy.D, gives an interesting description of resentment. She says that commonly it feels like a lower-intensity, longer-duration anger.
The feelings are usually a reaction to an unresolved and ongoing injustice or frustration. She explains that it can be both because you are unable to get through them, or choose not to.
Thus, you might be resenting someone you know right now. However, you have no idea about the reasons behind this feeling. In this article, you can find some of the possible causes. You can also find possible ways of getting over them.
4 Reasons For Your Resentment:
1. Your Friendship Is One-Sided
Tiana Leeds, a licensed family and marriage therapist, thinks of a specific reason as a certainty when it comes to resentment. She says that is a clear sign that you are in a one-way friendship.
She continues that you may be used to giving too much of your time, ears, and attention to an acquaintance. But that person is not as interested in you, or even supports you in the same way. This can lead you to resent the person.
Two common situations might take place. Firstly, you think someone is taking advantage of you. Or, you believe that a person has been selfish for a while. Both of these can lead to you being resentful, Abrams explains.
2. You Do Not Feel Like Anyone Is Paying Attention
There are times for all of us when we need to speak about things that hold a lot of meaning for us. However, the person you are talking to might interrupt you or just brush it aside.
This can be a very hurtful experience when they do not acknowledge the story. Abrams continues that if you are repeatedly ignored or unheard, you can end up resenting the person.
3. You Have Unresolved Conflicts Or Arguments
Abrams says that anger is like a real-time reaction to an unfair or unpleasant experience. Resentment, however, is not exactly a reaction. It is better thought of as a build-up of many unresolved conflicts or offenses.
Consider this situation: You request your partner for help in keeping the house clean. But they respond by saying they will do it later because they are busy right then. The ‘later’ never comes and the same conversation keeps happening.
In the end, your partner will resent you because you are nagging. On the other hand, you will resent them because you do not like saying it over and over again. Spending years like this can lead to feeling very hopeless, frustrated, and unappreciated.
4. You Are Repeatedly Insulted
A very common English proverb talks about how stones and sticks can break your bones. However, words cannot ever hurt you. The phrase has good intentions, undoubtedly.
However, words hurt and that is the truth. If you are repeatedly insulted by someone, Abrams says resentment will flourish in it. This is even more so if you care for that someone.
How To Face Resentment
There are several ways of dealing with this feeling if it is interfering with your relationships and well-being. Here are the suggestions:
1. Be truthful about your feelings. Have some compassion because feelings cannot be controlled. If you deny them it will only add to the resentment.
2. Do not make yourself forcefully “let go” or “get over” things quickly. Let the emotions wax and wane.
3. Think about everything that has happened. Ask yourself about who or what is leading to this feeling. You may be able to see a trend in how others treat you and vice versa.
4. Learn to talk about your needs and expectations with the people around you. This should prevent such things from happening once more.
5. Finally, therapy is always an option. You can even learn about setting healthy boundaries while talking through resentment.
Your resentment can have valid reasons behind it. These are usually being underappreciated, overlooked, and unheard. But that does not mean that you have to hold on to that forever. We hope this article will help you feel better with this burning feeling.
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