Establishing regular, positive routines is the surest way to achieve lasting mental calm.
More serenity inside ourselves is something we could all use in our lives. Even with a calm and collected mind, dealing with office politics or family strife can be a challenge. But when your thoughts are filled with anxieties, insecurities, regrets, ruminations, irritations, and frustrations, it can be quite overwhelming, if not crippling.
However, the thing about genuine serenity: It takes time to accomplish or discover. It’s a quality that needs time and effort to develop. Put another way, developing positive routines over time is the surest way to achieve mental tranquility.
Here are 4 small behaviors of people with incredible inner peace:
• They share their emotions
We naturally want to avoid unpleasant emotions because of how bad they feel. As expected! Unfortunately, avoiding your feelings on a regular basis teaches your brain that they are negative.
However, negative feelings are bad, aren’t they? Not precisely. Let it sink in:
Is it painful when you touch a pan that’s been on the stovetop for a while? Absolutely not. Despite the unpleasantness, it serves a purpose! The actual threat, which is tissue damage from third-degree burns, is not immediately apparent, but the pain is a signal to move your hand away from it. Emotions are no different. Feelings are not inherently harmful. All they are is messengers attempting to convey some message to you. Feeling down doesn’t necessarily indicate that your emotions are negative.
However, your brain will learn to view your painful emotions as enemies if you try to escape or eliminate them. This will make you more reactive to them and increase your stress and anxiety levels. Fortunately, the converse can be done to negate this effect. The brain learns to be more resilient in the face of challenging emotions when we practice welcoming and expressing them rather than avoiding them.
• Feeling bad is something they actively work on.
Once in a while, we all experience feelings of sadness.
- Anxiety or fear rushes over us.
- In the span of a few minutes, we can go from feeling absolutely fantastic to being extremely irritable and grumpy.
- We are down and out and can’t seem to lift our spirits.
Dealing with difficult emotions is inevitable. The thing is, though, that life continues regardless of how you’re feeling. No matter how we’re feeling, time flies, opportunities come and go, and life goes on.
- Putting off writing that novel you’ve always wanted to write until you’re “truly inspired” guarantees that it will never happen (and will only lead to self-loathing).
- It will never happen (and you will feel terrible about yourself in the meanwhile) if you put off starting that new business you’ve always wanted to until you feel confident enough.
- It will never happen (and you will feel terrible about yourself in the meanwhile) if you wait for it to feel more natural to tell your children that you love them.
Many people suffer from an inability to relax and enjoy life because they dwell on the things they should have done but didn’t. Learning to do what’s important despite your emotions is the antidote, as trite as it may sound. If you want to put an end to feeling let down and remorseful all the time, this is your only option. A lot simpler to say than to actually do. Going to the gym is more fun when you’re in a good mood, just like asking out that attractive guy is when you’re feeling confident.
Difficult tasks will always exist, but with experience, you can significantly reduce their difficulty. One way to improve is to force yourself to do things even when you don’t feel like it. The more you train yourself to feel bad emotionally, the more resilient you will become, just like an athlete who builds up his stamina and strength.
Doing important things regardless of how you feel can help you release the mental burden of regret. Ask yourself: Should I see feeling bad as a barrier or an opportunity to train the next time I want to work toward a goal but don’t feel like it?
• Typically, they revise what they expect
Most of us probably already know that it’s not a good idea to have unrealistically high expectations of other people:
- Assuming that your partner will perpetually exhibit positive emotions sets the stage for an abundance of impatience and animosity.
- Assuming that your employees will constantly prioritize the company’s interests is a surefire way to end up disappointed and frustrated.
- If you think your plans will always work out, you’re setting yourself up for a life of stress and worry.
Because here’s the thing about having expectations: Surprisingly, neither the world nor the majority of its inhabitants care much about them. Because of this, you should prepare to have your expectations shattered on a regular basis. When that occurs, you will be continually surprised—and not in a positive way!
The problem is that shock acts as a powerful emotional amplifier:
- It might be slightly disheartening to see your partner in a foul mood. However, it is very disheartening to witness your partner in a negative mood when you had hoped they would be in a positive one.
- It is annoying when your plans fall through. But it’s extremely disheartening when they don’t pan out after you’ve convinced yourself they will.
Stop expecting too much from other people if you want a calmer mind. Obviously, you can’t avoid having expectations at all costs. Every now and then, they come in handy. Keeping track of your expectations and revising them as necessary should become second nature. There will always be people and life that let you down. But if you don’t expect too much from them, you’ll be much less let down. You will feel much more at ease if you take the time to revise your expectations on a frequent basis.
• Furthermore, they establish healthy boundaries.
Truthfully, the issue isn’t setting healthy boundaries…
- Requesting that your boss refrain from sending weekend emails is not an arduous task.
- The message of “get a job and move out” to an adult child is not difficult to convey.
- Assigning a specific time to exercise after work is not rocket science.
I get it; it’s not always easy to set reasonable limits. The main challenge, though, is sticking to the reasonable limits you do establish. I mean, consider this: Not enforcing a boundary you set is just as bad as not setting one at all.
Consider this:
- By stating your disapproval of weekend emailing but still responding to your boss’s messages on those days, what message are you sending to her? By doing this, you are instructing her to disregard your demands.
- If you tell your adult child they need to get a job and move out, but you still let them live at your house for free and pay for their video game addiction, what are you teaching them? Your requests don’t matter much, and he’s learning that from you.
- Consistently saying you’re going to start a new exercise routine but never actually doing it teaches your brain nothing. Your goals aren’t important, and you’re learning that you can’t rely on yourself.
Another kind of self-sabotage is setting boundaries but not really enforcing them. Be sure you know what it will take to follow through on any major demands you make of someone or new boundaries you establish before you make them. Why? Because if you don’t, those around you will learn to disrespect you. Even worse, you’re undermining your sense of dignity. Both of which will cause an excessive amount of mental and emotional suffering.
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