By Kelli Fox
Warning!!! Warning!!! Warning!!!
This article contains information that is offensive, inflammatory and insulting. Read at your own risk…
Have you ever encountered a stubborn Taurus or a brassy Leo? How about a sneaky Scorpio or a playboy Sagittarius? Do any of these undesirable characteristics ring a bell? Each sign has a positive side as well as a negative one. The not so nice characteristics are the ones we can grow and learn from, particularly when it’s someone else who’s rubbing us the wrong way. Once we gain an understanding of where someone is coming from it’s easier to have empathy and understanding.
For now, let’s take a fun poke at your sign and their not so charming traits!
This sign is the most selfish of the zodiac. The ram is independent by nature and doesn’t give much of a hoot about anyone else…and why should they? According to them, there’re numero uno. They also think they’re a natural born leader but others probably find them dictatorial and overbearing at best. The Aries ego has its own zip and their impatience is legendary – just ask their latest victims who bore the brunt of their temper because they had to wait in line at the post office. OK, fair’s fair, everyone gets a little ticked off about that one but the difference is that Aries is always the one causing a scene or storming off in a huff especially when they don’t get their own way. How dare anyone keep them waiting! The Ram is aggressive and competitive by nature and will crawl over their sick granny to get to the finish line first. They have to win at any cost. They’re headstrong and a know-it-all and if proven wrong will keep arguing the point until they get bored – which tends to happen a lot. Not one for follow through although on the plus side this sign rarely holds a grudge. They’re the love ‘em and leave ‘em type and operate on impulse. Known as a heart-breaker, they’re enthusiastic…at first and then they’re onto their next conquest before sunrise. Aries gets bored easily and not much can hold their attention. They’re not good with follow up and routine drives them around the bend. That’s right, this is the sign of independence and spontaneity, aka ‘the player.’ Some might call it courage but others call it foolhardy. Some may call it honesty yet others call it tactless. To sum it all up, Aries is the sign of chutzpah!
The Bull is the most stubborn of the zodiac. Once they set their mind on something there’s no turning back or turning them around or nitpicking them or prodding– even an inch. They’ll just keep plodding along until they get to where they want to go. Heaven forbid anyone who gets in their way as they’ll be trampled under that sheer force of will. Rigidity is their middle name. Taurus rules money and possessions and they like to have a lot of both. There’s nothing wrong with that except they’d sell their granny to the old age home just to make a buck. They are self-indulgent and snobby and prefer the good life – only the best will do and certainly no cheap imitations – well maybe as gifts for others but certainly not for them! Bulls tend to think of themselves as a food critic and will gorge in 5 star restaurants on a constant basis because many of them can afford it. They like routine and can get very upset if something in their daily life changes. Comfort and security are what makes them tick. They are the ultimate snob and will look down upon others if their standards are not met. Sometimes, this sign can be quite dull and certainly not the life of the party. They’re a stick in the mud but that’s just fine by them. Anyway, who wants to be bothered partying all night when you can spend your time at home counting your money, tallying up your net worth and sorting through your designer clothes – nothing is more exciting! The biggest turn on for Taurus is lying on satin sheets, ringing a bell for Alfred the butler to bring the finest champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries. This will be followed by a luxurious massage and bubble bath, of course attended by Alfred.
This sign is the biggest gossip of the zodiac. Gemini is as nosy as Mrs Kravitz and they just can’t be trusted to keep a secret. They come across as a know-it-all but if someone were to dig just beneath the surface they’d discover that Gemini is only repeating the latest Twitter trends. They’re a jack of all trades but a master at none. Theirs is the sign of the Twins because they can be two-faced and slippery when they want to be. They’re very good at stretching the truth. They are a fine manipulator and can weasel their way out of just about anything yet still be in the confines of the law. They like the sound of their own voice and can talk endlessly about not very much at all. Gemini certainly has the ‘gift of the gab.’ Gemini really is very clever and can come across as very eloquent and educated even if they left college with one semester to finish and now have a lifetime of student loans to pay off and no immediate job prospects. Partying is their MO but they prefer to call it networking. They consider themselves to be flexible but others would call it flaky. They have a reputation as a user and will run hot and cold on anyone in their social sphere. The sign of the Twins gets bored easily, detests routine and would trade their grandmother in for a new one on a whim. They can be broad minded and what others (or their partner) would consider some serious flirting they would classify as harmless fun. They tend to see all sides of a situation which at times can get them into hot water. Some may unfairly have Gemini pegged as someone who cannot be trusted or the biggest con artist on this side of Tehran.
This sign is the crabbiest of the zodiac. They’re famous for their moods which can last for days, weeks, months or even years. Cancer will hold a grudge which will continue through lifetimes. They also have the memory of an elephant. They tend to live in the past and some of them may even be stuck in long gone sentiment and distant memories which they relive over and over again. Usually, they are a mama’s boy or daddy’s girl and their family has a stronghold over them. They tend to manipulate through guilt but only to those lucky chosen ones who are closest to them. They are naturally a mother hen and are clannish and protective of their tribe. They are probably close to their grandmother and have a fond attachment to dead relatives. Their favorite pastime is cooking and gorging on food especially for traditional family meals. They will sulk if their efforts are not appreciated even if the rest of their family is sick of eating the lame family recipe year in, year out. As a parent, they are a ‘smother mother’ or ‘helicopter’ type – never allowing their kids to gain the freedom they seek. That explains why Cancerian offspring pick colleges as far away from home as possible. Also a hoarder, the Crab can’t bear to throw anything away as everything they own has some sort of story or sentiment attached. This sign is one of the most tenacious of all. Behind that weepy exterior lays a hard shell which is as tough as nails. They can turn on the water works just as fast as they can turn them off. They’re thrifty, no, make that stingy when it comes to finances. They’re a saver and not a spender so no matter how much money they have they will always enjoy clipping coupons and finding bargains.
Leo is the most bossy of the zodiac. They come across as confident and commanding when all eyes are on them but as soon as they’re not getting enough attention they’ll throw a hissy fit. The Lion is a limelight hog and their vanity is legend. They are a natural show-off and won’t hesitate to boast to an adoring audience. Theirs is the royal sign of the zodiac. They’re pompous and think they really are the king or queen while the rest of us mere servants are here to wait on them hand and foot. They are big snobs and can be extremely overbearing and arrogant. ‘Off with her head’ they’d secretly like to command when their granny doesn’t make their favorite meal to their liking. Money can’t buy taste and Leo is known for lavish spending particularly on gaudy clothing and over the top jewelry and accessories which command the attention they crave. Their motto could be the famous PR slogan: “There’s no such thing as bad press.” As long as people are talking about them then they must be popular. Leo is constantly seeking attention and will be best suited to a partner who doesn’t care for such things. Someone whom they can endlessly boss around and let Leo make all the decisions as well as take all the credit. Their insecurities are insurmountable. They are also dictatorial, power-hungry and selfish. They’ll take credit for other’s ideas as if they were their own. They also have a strong drive to get to the top which will afford their fancy lifestyle and provide the power they seek. Their bark is worse than their bite but deep down they really are a kitten looking for its cream and a spot in the sun.
This sign is the pettiest and most critical of the zodiac. They’re the epitome of a nag and drive others nuts with their constant nit-picking and fault finding. Virgo will notice and pay attention to things others find mundane and boring. Virgo is the sign of service aka masochist. Who else likes to be bossed around and run around after others while constantly complaining – it makes no sense to the rest of us. Actually, complaining is their favorite pastime and they only feel loved when they’re picking up after those they love. They’re quite petty and seek perfection where none exists. Heaven help their long suffering partner – how do they put up with this sign? It’s probably because Virgo cleans and picks up after them. This is the sign of the virgin and of course we all know that’s because of their prudish ways. They come across like a holy saint but once the lights are off they are the devil in disguise. Many people don’t realize the shadow of this sign can be cheap, easy and slovenly. Looking at the flip side makes their complaining easier to live with. Virgo is a constant worry wart which creates a nervous disposition. To counter-balance this they pop pills which they call ‘vitamins’ and the doctor’s waiting room is a home-away-from-home for this sign. Plain and simple, Virgo is a hypochondriac. In the guise of taking their grandmother, old neighbor or sick pet to the doctor they’ll add on a few more ailments to get the medication they need for their self-diagnosed problems. Their stinginess is inexhaustible. They always seem to be counting their pennies and writing up budgets and to-do lists. They’re extremely fussy and actually kind of boring because they enjoy cleaning house, mopping the floors and ironing clothes etc…No task is too small or mundane to satisfy this fuss-budget sign.
This sign is the biggest liar of the zodiac – not intentionally but really just to spare someone’s feelings or make themselves look good. They don’t like to be confrontational so will stretch the truth when necessary. They’ll also butter someone up to get what they want – others call it sucking up but they like to think of the words ‘diplomacy’ and ‘tact.’ They are definitely a big spender – even when they don’t have the moolah to cover costs. The more expensive the item the better as far as Libra is concerned. What’s a little credit card debt for something that makes you feel like a million bucks? Some would call Libra superficial but they know they’re worth every cent they spend on themselves and more. Designer labels just have a certain something they can’t explain. They’re the type who only makes friends who can do things for them. Social contacts and connections they have plenty of and won’t hesitate to use them when it suits them. They hate to be alone and many of this sign will hook up with those below their social standing just so they have a warm body to keep them company on cold nights, anything with a pulse will do. They are extremely dependent and needy and can resort to taking telemarketing calls just so they can speak to someone on the other end. Libra can be very wishy-washy and find it hard to make a decision – especially minor ones. There are so many choices and outcomes that they find it difficult to commit to just one. They also like to debate just for the fun of it. Showing off their superior intellectual capabilities is what provides endless amounts of cheap thrills. They do it in such an inoffensive way that their grandmother never knew what was coming.
This sign is the most despised of the zodiac…and no wonder! Scorpio is the sign of sex and if they’re not sleeping with their best friend’s lover then they’re plotting the moves for their next sexual conquest. If committed, they are extremely loyal to the point of being possessive and jealous and like to keep tabs on their partner at all times. Tracking devices and nanny cams were obviously invented by a Scorpio. Obsessive by nature, Scorpio who will not stop until they get what they want and that includes stalking their ex online. Restraining orders aside, they can be paranoid and suspicious at the best of times. Revenge is sweet and anyone who crosses a Scorpio will face instant death from the sting of their famous tail which could come in the form of a dirty look or heavy breathing in an anonymous phone call. With the level of intensity they have, they are often misunderstood. That dark, brooding nature of theirs should convey a depth of emotion rather than just a routine rotten mood. Why is it that people mistake their sense of humor as biting sarcasm? They tend to point out the obvious and prey on the weak. As soon as they smell fear they attack and won’t give up…ever, ever, ever – even after their granny has waved the white flag. They’re an extremist so there’s no in-between for them. It’s either: black or white, right or wrong. They are as dominating as a pit bull in a dog park full of chihuahua’s and as stubborn as an ass. Once their mind is made up there’s no turning back even when they know the outcome will end in disaster. Someone once said ‘Scorpio prefers to be miserable in love.’ What does this mean?’ Who knows, it only makes sense to them!
This sign is the boozer of the zodiac and their reputation for drinking and partying is the stuff urban legends are made of. It’s all about having a good time…period. Never one to shy away from social gatherings they know how to liven up even the dullest of business meetings, work parties or family get-togethers. They have no restraint or ethics when it comes to the good times. They spend money like there’s no tomorrow and are willing to take large gambles and huge risks which would make their grandmother turn over in her grave. They probably consider the large inheritance she left them to be partied away as quickly as possible rather than saved for a rainy day. Always on their soapbox with their dogma, self-righteousness and fanatical ideals they focus on the big picture but lack the practical details to actually put their words into action. They have no self-restraint and suffer from ‘foot-in-mouth’ disease. They will blurt out the first thing that comes to mind without a second thought. In their book, the truth, no matter how painful must always be told. Sagi needs freedom at all costs and probably has a black book as thick as the white pages. They are conceited and impulsive much like their half human half horse Sagittarian icon, the Centaur. The mythical Centaur loves to run around, has an athletic nature and is restless and active. They can be clumsy, impatient and quick tempered although can get over their temper tantrums just as quickly. They wear their heart on their sleeve so those closest to them always know where they stand. They are big blabber mouths so never tell them a secret. They love to travel and don’t mind either the fanciest or seediest locations as they feel it’s all an experience to be had. They can be gullible which makes them easy prey for con artists who appeal to their free-wheeling nature.
This sign is the most boring of the zodiac. While the rest of us are out having a good time Capricorn is working overtime and counting every penny toward their first billion. Nothing wrong with hard work and a long term plan but they’re a pinchpenny and would strong-arm their grandmother out of a buck if they could. They are ruthless in their ambition and will not stop until they get what they want. They are fearful of being poor so can be stingy when it comes to the dosh. They are also resentful of those who are higher up the food chain than themselves. They are not very sympathetic towards others and will stick with relationships out of a sense of duty and obligation. They are impressed by materialism and can be greedy and selfish when it comes to their stuff. They also have a suspicious nature and think everyone is out to get them. They secretly despise themselves and will create challenges and obstacles which they constantly need to overcome. They think success must come at a price otherwise they’ll never enjoy it which they wouldn’t anyway regardless of how it was accumulated. They are a born pessimist and can be a downer on others. Ever wondered why Capricorn doesn’t have any friends? They’re too depressing or boring to be around. They are conservative and don’t like to upset their routine. It’s like they were born old. They are cautious and conservative by nature and are not one’s to try anything new. They’re what others call a stick-in-the-mud. Their sense of responsibility and self-discipline is what fills them with a code of morals and standards that the rest of us could never aspire to or even want to for that matter!
This sign is weirdest of the zodiac. Many Aquarians would probably take this as a compliment but they shouldn’t. They are detached and aloof and almost robotic when it comes to matters of the heart. It’s sort of like they don’t really have any emotion at all because they are so undemonstrative. It’s like they have been brought to this earth from another planet. Again, that’s not a compliment. They are rebellious and can actually be a huge torment – never knowing when to stop the endless teasing and terrorizing of those closest to them. What they think is funny most people do not. They seem to care more about people who are not closest to them – at best what could be called acquaintances. Their loved ones need a thick skin to deal with their eccentric ways. Just ask any spouse of an Aquarian who will tell you the numerous times they were left to fend for themselves at a social event while their dearly beloved was off looking for the most interesting person in the place to mingle with. They need their freedom at all costs. Many Aquarians are inventive and will come up with unique and useless innovations. The new and scientific really appeal to them and they never cease to show off what they consider their brilliance and originality. They are stubborn and will do just about anything to prove their point – hammering even their poor old granny into submission when they think they’re right. They can be erratic and sometimes their behavior could get them committed. They are not materialistic and will tend to give away their money and possessions to humanitarian causes. Saving the world is what matters most to them and many of them believe they truly have the intellectual capabilities to do it. Aquarians are the classic know-it-all.
This sign is the doormat of the zodiac. They attract the down and out’s and are suckers for anyone with a loser sign on their back. When the going gets tough they hit whatever can remove them from the mundane – drugs, alcohol, religion or food. They seek to escape the cold hard reality of life and prefer living life wearing rose colored glasses. Pisces are romantics and have probably had their tender-heart broken on more than one occasion. They usually see only the good in others so are easily deceived and often deluded. They are extremely emotional and no doubt their friends call them a cry baby behind their back. Even their grandmother is probably sick and tired of their constant blabbering. They have no clue when it comes to practical matters and are completely disorganized which means their life is a mess. They tend to hear voices and can be psychic…or is that psycho? They are self-sacrificing to the point of masochism and just about anyone or anything can pull at their heartstrings such as a homeless person needing a hot shower or an acquaintance wanting to lend a large sum of money. Tragedy moves them so they seek it out and take it on. They are generous and not concerned with materialism so will be taken advantage of in money matters. They are a very charitable type and would think nothing of squandering their inheritance or holiday bonus money. Their moods can range from euphoric to miserable in a matter of minutes. They are hypersensitive and pick up on others moods like a sponge. Some see their chameleon nature as insincere but it’s really that they’re impressionable and are easily led or taken for a fool.