Dating, as we know, is a part of life. It’s complex, messy, and at times, rewarding.
Beginning in our teens (and for some, in our 20’s), we often discover the benefits and the pitfalls of letting another person into our very orbit and often, if we’re lucky, discover quickly if they’re either messing up your world or making it a better place.
However, sometimes we discover way later down the line and it can change our entire outlook on life for the worse or for the better.
No one – I repeat – NO ONE likes to go through a breakup. They can be soul shattering and earth-crushing, especially if love was involved in the relationship. It happens – sometimes people just fall out of love.
It hurts like the dickens, but wouldn’t you rather be with someone who actually loves you than with someone who is just faking it for the sake of comfort?
Many things can occur after a particularly difficult breakup, and most tend to be for the better. However, it may take some time to feel the effects of these things because we’re too busy mourning over what “could have been”.
Here are 15 ways that you’ll never be the same again after a long-term breakup. And trust us – they’re all for the better.
#15 – You’ll Be 10-Times Smarter
This is one guarantee that you’ll see right off the bat after a particularly cruel and heart-wrenching parting-of-ways from your significant other. Just like when we first touched a hot stove and jerking away quickly after realizing it was hot. We took that burn on our fingers as a warning sign never to make such a move again. Same things happen after we have our hearts broken, especially if it’s with someone we happened to be with for a long while. Our brain goes into hyperdrive and begins to review all the events that took place that led up to the breakup. Things start to click and our entire outlook changes. We take what we learned from the past in order to apply it to future relationships.
#14 – Your Taste In Partners Will Vastly Improve
Now, this is not about trashing your ex, whoever the heck they were. That can only spell out trouble in the long run. When you’re in a long-term relationship with another person, you learn what you like and dislike pretty quickly about that specific person. So when you break up, you’re able to apply those things to the next person that comes along. Your taste has suddenly improved. You may even be drawn to the exact OPPOSITE of what you were once attracted to, and those tend to work out best in the end, surprisingly enough. Age factors play a part in this too – the older we get, the more our tastes mature. A breakup helps speed that process up. We learn that getting together with someone based solely on looks never works out, so we are drawn to intelligence. It’s stuff like that that suddenly comes to light.
#13 – You’ll Go Through A “Rebel” Phase
This phase is also known as the “rebound” phase – at least it has been called that for an abundance of years. This is when, after a tough parting, you seek solace in the arms of someone else, someone that you don’t plan on making long-term plans with. They tend to call this a “palate cleanser”. Yes, this means wiping that bad taste from your mouth clean (the bad taste in question being your former boyfriend/girlfriend) with someone you would never even have considered being within the past. Sometimes, going through this rebel phase can shift your tastes too and you might even end up with your rebound person. While that tends to be rare, it happens. Point is never actually looking at your rebel days as a definite change in you – they’re fleeting, and that’s what makes them fun.
#12 – Realizing You’re Able To Do Exactly What You Want
Being in a relationship means compromising with another person in your life, so you may have to make a few adjustments in order to accommodate that other person, whether you want to or not. It’s about making someone ELSE happy rather than yourself. Because you put him or her ahead of yourself, you give up certain things. Well, all that goes out the window after a breakup. You suddenly turn into William Wallace from Braveheart and you’re up on a mountaintop screaming “FREEDOM!!!!” at the top of your lungs. That’s right – you can now do all those things your partner frowned upon. What to be messy? Be messy! Want order in Chinese food and sit and watch Netflix all night without someone nagging you about being lazy? DO IT.
#11 – It May Take Some Time, But You’ll Learn To Forgive
Forgiveness comes with patience, and yes, it’s the toughest lesson on this list that you’ll eventually learn how to do in your own way. This is not exactly about learning to forgive the other person involved in your breakup but learning to forgive yourself as well in order to heal properly. Things could have been extremely horrible in your past relationship, but holding a grudge against that other person and blaming them for everything will hold you back in future relationships. It will take some time, often A LOT of time, but you’ll eventually learn that to move on entirely means to forgive. And if it takes way too much time, you may need to learn to be able to forgive yourself first before you can forgive the other person. Self-reflection is the key here.
#10 – Learning To (And Thriving In) Living On Your Own
There are those of us who have gone straight from our teens in our parents’ home, to the dorm room, to straight to living with your significant other. We never really knew what it was like to truly live on our own. If this happens to be the case, it can be rather scary to break up with the person we’re with since we’re so used to being comfortable in that situation and we’d rather be miserable in a doomed relationship rather than experience being on our own for the first time in forever. But, trust me, living on your own after a breakup is liberating. Sure, you’re learning to be self-efficient for the first time, but it’s rewarding. Plus, you can now decorate your home the way you always wanted to – and that right there is completely worth it.
#9 – Figuring Out That Nothing Defines You But You
We are told all our lives that we shouldn’t define ourselves by what other people think of us, but when you get into a long-term relationship, that becomes rather difficult. Your mood for the day actually is dependant on the mood your partner is in. One simple sentence (or criticism) can make or break your outlook of the day. And you have to ask yourself – when the heck did THAT start? While we’re able to take that “define ourselves” to shield ourselves from others in the outside world, we tend to relax a little on it when it comes to our partners. However, after a breakup, we actually sit down and remember that no one BUT YOURSELF can determine your mood for the day. That no one else can define you but you.
#8 – Yes, Your Personality Will Change
Yes, yes, we all know – your personality was top shelf when you got into your relationship, but what if I told you that your personality will up (or sometimes down) a few notches after a particularly bad breakup? Well, it’s true. A shattering parting can have a tremendous effect on your personality and can either smooth out the pointy edges of it or sharpen the corners like one sharpens a knife. While the latter of that sentence doesn’t sound like a good thing, if someone has a really meek disposition, sharpening the edges is just exactly what they need in their life. Or, if they’re sharp enough as is and the personality is what’s hurting them in the long run, a fine dulling is what THEY need. Either or. Thing is, your personality WILL change after a breakup.
#7 – You’ll Become More Open-Minded
I remember when I was a child, being called “close-minded” was literally the worst thing one could be called. But the older I got, the more I realized how actually close-minded I was. That changed by reading a great deal more, widening my circle of friends, and traveling. Also what helped was being in a long-term relationship that ended in heartbreak. I had to open my mind up to another person and when I did, it ran the risk of closing again once that relationship came to an end. But, what I realized, that in reflection, I figured out that my former partner aided to my open mind more so than I had ever known outside of that particular relationship. And when it was over, my mind broadened even more-so.
#6 – Your Health Habits Will Change (No Worries – For The Better)
When you’re in a relationship, depending on the length, you and your partner tend to grow comfortable with each other and each other’s habits. And when you’re comfortable in a relationship, sometimes all the healthy stuff flies right out the window. Eating habits shift and easy access junk food becomes the filler between you and your partner. As for exercising? Pffft, who has the time! If YOU two are happy with each other’s figures, then more power to you. All these thoughts occur in a comfortable relationship and are acted upon. However, when you break up, EVERYTHING changes in regards to your eating and working out habits. Meaning, they’ll change for the better. Without that person there egging your bad habits on and mirroring them, you’ll get your act together and start to eat healthier and getting to the gym more.
#5 – Music Will Sound Different And Make YOU Different
This was the hardest thing for me to deal with in the midst of my own pain from a breakup. Music is a massive part of my life in terms of my work – I can’t write without it. And when I fell in love for the first time, music played a large role in that as well. Certain songs reminded me of my boyfriend and certain romantic times we had together. So when our relationship came to a startling halt, I wanted NOTHING to do with all those particular songs. Hearing just a single cord from one of them would throw me into flashes of pure white pain. I shifted my taste in music to avoid such pain, but we all know that doesn’t stick. Over time, the pain eased and I was able to listen to the familiar tunes once again, but man did it seem like forever.
#4 – You’ll Learn That Strength Comes From Pain
Uh, here comes that whole “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” nonsense your mother would always spout every time you had your heart broken as a teenager. Thing is, it’s true. While we don’t really experience until we’ve had our first OFFICIAL breakup with someone who we were desperately in love with, we know it holds truth. It was Winston Churchill who once said “If you’re going through He**, keep going” and those words have never been truer than when they’re spoken to someone who is going through a breakup. Sure, it hurts like heck now, but when we get through it, we learn that we’re strong enough to endure the pain and come out clean on the other side. And when we realize we’re that strong, anything and everything becomes possible.
#3 – Socializing Habits Will Suddenly Shift
When it was just you and your partner, you were in your own little bubble (especially if you didn’t have any children together). Sure you had your mutual friends and/or your own specific circle of friends, but after a breakup, your social habits will tend to shift to the more active. If your friends are attempting to help you get over the heartache, they’ll take you out to more places and introduce you to more (and different) people in order to take your mind off things. Heck, that’s what good friends do – they’re able to change your world in a single night. You’ll start connecting with people you wouldn’t have connected with while you were in a relationship. You’ll attempt to become more extroverted (which is a scary thought just in itself) and your circle of friends will end up broadening for the better.
#2 – The Way You Approach Social Media Will Change… Dramatically
Maybe your partner was always jealous when you would spend time on Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, and/or Facebook, so you dialed it down a couple pegs for their sake. You didn’t really spend so much time on there because you were too busy. Well, after a breakup, that tends to change. There are those types of people who will stalk their ex to see if they rebounded too quickly or if they’re simply partying it up without you, and then there are those types who block their ex because it’s too painful to look at their life without you in it. Either way, you’re getting majorly back into the social media life once again – whether it’s to take your mind off your ex or to flirt endlessly with that one cute guy you once dated in high school.
#1 – You’ll Be SO Much Happier In General
Yes, at the beginning of a breakup, the words “you’ll be so much happier and better off without them” feels like a giant slap in the face because you can’t imagine your world without them in it. But, thanks to time and space, you realize that breaking up was the best thing for you to do and you find yourself getting happier by the minute. As corny as it sounds, time heals all wounds and helps you grow in your personal happiness. You start to look at the world differently (and much, much brighter). Sure, it seems like the end of the world at the time, but as time passes, you realize that you were being overdramatic and your happiness will swell. Because, as we all know, mom really was right: Whatever doesn’t kill you, DOES make you stronger.
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