When people do not learn how they should set their personal boundaries, they risk others taking advantage of them or abusing them.
But not all of us have the ability to explain our tolerance limits to other people. For example, those of us that were brought up in unstable and broken families usually lack confidence and do not have a sense of ourselves well developed.
We can easily be influenced by other people or feel emotionally unstable or damaged, and our happiness will depend on the opinions of other people.
Because of that, we cannot set our healthy limits with other people, and we cannot tell what isn’t OK for them, particularly when talking about our loved one. Unfortunately, we are not alone in experiencing these difficulties.
Here are the five tips about how we can set our healthy boundaries:
We need to be conscious of the type of boundaries we would like to set.
In order to do this, we can write down our reasons. In that way, we are going to get a deep understanding of our needs, or why we expect others to treat us in a particular way. The list may also remind us why we made certain choices. We should include all the behaviors that we consider unacceptable, such as calling us names, stealing, pressuring us to do things we do not want to do, and so on. So, when we become the victim of the bad character of a person, we will know what we should do.
Use our reason and not emotions in order to realize our boundaries.
We have to be really careful when it comes to the way of verbalizing our boundaries. We should stick to our reality without thinking a lot about a situation, becoming defensive, or accusing others. It would be better if we explained that we don’t want our partner to drive, as we think that is not safe as he or she has been drinking, rather than starting arguments saying that we hate that our partner was drinking or that we cannot stand him or her.
We should talk about our boundaries.
In fact, it will be easy if we are interacting with individuals whose way of understanding things and thinking is quite similar to ours. However, when we are supposed to deal with people who have a different character than ours or who also come from another different background, we will have to find our appropriate way of telling them what we can or cannot accept.
Influences from our social environment could also be an obstacle when we establish boundaries.
For instance, our colleagues usually work overtime, and we think that this is not good for our health. But we do not want to argue with them about this, particularly because we tend to stay late. But this will be a huge mistake. We have to find a polite way of explaining what we think or act just according to our needs and not the needs of someone else.
We have to remember that our boundaries reveal our true selves and the behaviors we should expect from other people.
They are not connected with making people better individuals. So, when we have set our own boundaries and others do not take them quite seriously, we should end this relationship. We all have some type of boundary. That’s why we need to find a balance between the boundaries of other people and ours.
But there is just one exception. Those people who are drug or alcohol addicted don’t have their personal limits. They just take, and they will almost never give us anything. We may simply get consumed by the nerve-ending necessities, which can drain us emotionally.
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