by Conscious Reminder
Sometimes, we will know that our relationship is over, and still, we will stay. We will be tired, fed up, and even emotionally drained; however, we could not get ourselves to pull the trigger finally. We will not know how we should go through all this.
Maybe it was our first more serious relationship, and everything was entirely new to us, including the breakup.
There were probably ups and even downs during our relationship. Before the breakup, we may be lost, unhappy and confused, until it finally hits us: we were not right for one another. It is that simple.
However, we may give a second chance to our relationship after the breakup. And this time, we will hope that our relationship with work, and we will solve every problem; however, it may be even worse than before.
After some time, we will break up again. Then, we will look back at our relationship and wonder: How could we put ourselves through that, or why we stayed as long as we did? What would we do differently when we would have another chance?
Here are the three things we all wish we knew at such times:
We should accept our feelings as true and valid.
Getting lost in our relationship and sacrificing our needs for our partner’s sake is quite easy. And that is what we would do. Rather than listening to our feelings and ending the relationship with our partner, we will doubt ourselves.
Even when everything is telling us that we should end it, we will continuously hold back, making some excuses. We will feel worried that our feelings could actually be temporary or wrong, and that we could not trust ourselves.
We will also think about the feelings of our partner. Such anxious thoughts present in our head will keep us trapped in the cycle of pain, fear, frustration, and anger. We will be unhappy, and deep inside us, we will know that this will not change.
However, going through such a process will make us realize that we could not stay in such a relationship and with someone we are not happy with. Sometimes, we have to be selfish, putting ourselves first, and ending the relationship.
We should even push through all that fear that we are probably making mistakes, and believe that we really know what is best for us. This can be hard, but useful. We should step back, focusing on ourselves, being brutally honest with ourselves and understand our feelings. Facing the facts can be quite scary, but we should meet them one day.
We should focus on our present.
When bad times outweigh good ones, something has to change. We will probably share many good times with our partner during the years. When we were not fighting, we enjoyed his or her company and even cherished those rare peaceful moments we spent together.
However, when it comes to breaking up, we will remember those beautiful moments and our mind will instantly become confused. We will idealize how our relationship looked in the past, rather than focusing on how it looks now. We may realize that there was not enough good which will outweigh all the bad. And, we will decide to focus on our present.
Rather than allowing our past to fill us with doubt, we should face every fact and see where our relationship was during that time. When we do that, we will stop idealizing our past, and we will move toward the acceptance of the breakup. We will shift our focus to our present and look at our relationship and how it is right now.
We should create some actionable future plans.
During the breakup, our fear will be our biggest enemy. We will feel terrified when we think about what our future holds for us. Such uncertainty will leave us frozen with fear and terror.
Some questions, such as will we have the ability to succeed alone, adapt, live alone, or find new love, will continuously run through our head, filling us with anxiety which will leave us feeling trapped too.
However, we will create a plan for our future which will help us gain confidence in ourselves, and take the needed steps towards power and independence.
When we see that our thoughts about the break up are too overwhelming, we should write everything that we have to do on a piece of paper. After that, we should break the tasks in smaller steps, in order to become less intimidating.
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