by Conscious Reminder
Many of us are lucky to find our soulmates quite early and are spared the trauma of failed relationships. But for most others, attraction often results in disappointment.
As human beings, it is in our nature to gravitate towards those who seem to be the most unattainable. We even ignore the ones standing with their arms open, just to follow our fatal attraction.
Be it a child or an adult, we always chase what we cannot have. This often has a profound impact on us. When it comes to chasing people we cannot have, this has often been chugged into the ‘chaser’ dynamic. But there is more to it.
When we chase someone we cannot easily have, we are often filled with the idea that their existence in our lives will validate us. It could also be the mere sense of mystery that surrounds this person, and we are simply attracted to that.
Nothing stops us from crushing on the people we cannot have. The reason why the two cannot unite varies, depending on circumstances. Yet, we cannot force ourselves out of ‘liking’ that person.
Psychology Today mentions how we need to understand that romantic and sexual attraction are usually basic physiological responses to attractive stimuli.
No need to beat yourself up about that fatal attraction. Treat it as a natural reaction to something your brain finds attractive. It is similar to how we start salivating when looking at our favorite food items.
What we ought to remember is that while the attraction is instinctual and difficult to control, there is something else within our control. We can control how we act on those instincts. No fault in finding a person attractive, but don’t take any actions that can turn sour for you.
A 2001 study by Israeli & Stewart showed how the brain makes us obsess over the things that are ‘forbidden’. People trying to control their calorie intake ended up thinking more about the high-calorie items they needed to avoid for their own good.
Time spent away from the attraction or distracting yourself with other thoughts often help us cope with such situations. If the fatal attraction still persists, repeated exposure might dull the attraction. The more this mystery unravels, the more you become aware of the faults you were overlooking.
One common reason why some people chase the ones they can’t have is that they are commitment-phobic. They never want a relationship in the first place hence find solace in dreaming about the unattainable.
If you find yourself crushing on specific types of unattainable people, maybe there is some other reason for it. You could be going for the ‘dad types’ and are seeking the kind of man with whom you can raise a child. Be it commitment phobia or some other underlying cause, a fatal attraction is not healthy.
So while it is fine to develop a crush for someone who cannot be your partner, don’t chug everything aside and chase them. You have control over your actions so be wise. Don’t let distractions like these keep you from the ones who truly love you.
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