While the vast majority of parents mean well when they say they want to give their kids the best possible start in life, sometimes slip-ups happen and kids wind up needing therapy.
Tragically, there are parents who cross the line into toxic behavior, going beyond the occasional slip-up. There are a number of actions that parents can take that can have a devastating effect on their children’s mental and emotional health, regardless of whether they are intentionally toxic or not.
If you experienced any of the following as a child, your parents were likely toxic.
#1: Lack of a supportive environment
Contrary to the once popular belief, tough love does not teach a child about the real world properly; in fact, it really doesn’t love at all. Doing this can leave children with commitment issues and without quality relationships as they grow older. All human beings need to be allowed to have the courage to try new things and to be their genuine selves—this usually isn’t possible if “tough love” takes place.
#2: Constant criticism
Frequently telling children that they are wrong isn’t healthy; this leaves them with little confidence and motivation to try to accomplish things, and it doesn’t allow them to learn from their mistakes properly.
#3: Time demands
Children have to be given an adequate amount of time and space to spend freely discovering who they are and who they want to become. If their parents predetermine their entire schedule for them, they will only learn what their parents want them to learn.
#4: Harmful jokes
When parents mock their children, it’s oftentimes equivalent to abusing them. This leads children to believe they are not worthy of receiving dignity and respect.
#5: Falsely blaming
When parents blame their children for the way more significant things in life turn out—and don’t take responsibility, as the adults who were supposed to be in charge of things—it makes kids feel as though they’ve failed both the family and themselves. Furthermore, children may begin to believe that they are deserving of blame whenever something goes wrong in their environment.
#6: Suppressing thoughts and emotions
It just isn’t healthy—emotionally or physically—to tell children “not to cry” or “not to feel upset.” Before they can truly move forward from their true feelings, human beings must be able to accept them, regardless of their nature; simply ignoring or burying these feelings can lead to depression and loneliness.
#7: Intimidating or frightening
It isn’t healthy for children to be afraid of their parents. They can easily become afraid to talk to you about anything—even things that are extremely important that any parent would want their child to tell them about.
#8: Being selfish
This covers always being considerate of children’s thoughts and opinions, which is one of the most common toxic behaviors of poor parents. What’s more, it’s vital for parents to explain why they are making a particular decision, especially when it conflicts with the desires of their children. Children will not be able to understand life properly if they don’t comprehend why significant decisions are made.
#9: Living vicariously through children
Parents, in particular, shouldn’t push their children to live the lives that they wish they would have, and they shouldn’t assume that their children will be interested in all of the things they were simply because it’s “in their blood” or “in their genes.”
#10: Controlling by way of paying
Unless they’re being paid for doing a specific job, parents shouldn’t pay their children to behave well, and they shouldn’t pay them to treat them better. Think about morals and ethics (especially later in life).
#11: Silent treatment
This is passive-aggressive behavior, and it’s not adultlike behavior at all. This should go without saying; however, too often it needs to be said (or written).
#12: Disrespecting boundaries
Respect needs to be earned, not given. If a parent wants their children to respect them, then they should respect their children in a similar fashion. Again, think about morals and honor.
#13: Counting on kids for happiness
Especially when children are younger, it is the responsibility of the parents to help make their children content (not the other way around). All human beings are responsible for their own happiness in life, and putting this burden on children will only jeopardize the possibility of them experiencing healthy relationships in the future.
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