by Conscious Reminder
My dad taught me one important thing about relationships that I will probably never forget.
Yet, this is one lesson that is very hard to actually apply in real life situations. It is so hard that I try so many times, yet I fail. But I know the importance of this lesson.
I hope you understand the importance of the lesson as well.
The lesson is: If you want happy relationships, don’t judge.
Isn’t this so very hard?
Judgment is of two types. First is self judgment. As the name implies, when you judge your own actions, you are judging your own self. This is very different from evaluation of your actions because evaluation is usually premised on the idea of rationally comprehending your actions.
On the other hand, judgment is mostly about thinking about your actions in a negative way. When you judge your own self, the action will fill you with guilt and sadness and most of the times with regret. Now, this is not good for you because this won’t ever make you feel happy or satisfied.
Judging your partner or friend or co-worker, anyone, obviously is very bad. This is because of two major reasons: first is that you are judging their actions and not their intentions. Second is that you are having some sort of expectations from them.
Both of these situations destroy any relationship. When you judge someone’s actions, you assume that they have bad intentions and thereby you assume that they are somehow a bad person. So you already make a decision about that person in your mind which is irrational and certainly not good for the relationship.
When you expect too much from the relationship, it is not going to work out. The relationship will die because of the burden of expectations on it. Expectations also ruin your ability to think rationally and the biggest problem is that expectations arise because of your ego.
You wish to satisfy your needs and wants and this is why you expect from people around you. But one of the most important things that you forget is that relationships are about giving and receiving. You will only get what you give.
So, if all that you are giving to a relationship is a huge pile of expectations, all that you will get in return is sadness and a feeling of being unfulfilled. Again not good!
The solution is: Don’t let your Ego win!
Yes, if you are judging yourself or the people around you, you need to keep a check on your ego. You cannot let your ego take a toll on your relationships because that never ends well. Think rationally and try to evaluate the intentions of your partners.
Think about the kind things that they have done for you before judging them. Think about how much meaning they add to your life. Also, think about how your relationships are important for achieving the purpose or goals that you have set for yourself.
We cannot survive in isolation. We need healthy relationships. But if we continue to judge ourselves and our partners, we will never be satisfied and happy with our love life. So, don’t let your ego win!
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