by Conscious Reminder
We always felt as if we never really belong with them. Our friends, partners, family, they were good people; however, there was something off related to them.
They actually felt off in the strangest ways. Also, they said that they wanted our happiness; however, every time we tried to reach that happiness, they made us feel guilty.
Also, they said that they wanted us to always be healthy; however, every time we tried to reach a healthier way of life, they constantly ridiculed it.
Although they said that they loved us, every time when we tested their love, it was conditional.
They also said that they wanted us to be successful; however, they have never been there to give us the needed supports, cheer us up when we were walking alone.
Although they said that they actually believed in us, we have never been in their first place when they needed help or advice.
They even said that they accepted us entirely; however, every time we showed our real feelings to them, they told us not to feel what we felt, not to be angry, sad, and wipe our tears, keeping our feelings for ourselves.
Although they said that they always wanted everything best for us, every time we went after the things that excited our hearts, they were our greatest obstacles, claiming what we are after isn’t right for us.
We have always been free to actually be ourselves, but just when we were the “WE” that they wanted us to be. In fact, they have never really been on our side, they have never really been on our team, and we knew this in our subconscious – we carried this conscious in us profoundly.
All this will make us confused, judge ourselves, think that something is wrong with us, or feel like we are the stranger in our own home.
That’s why we will start customizing ourselves, in order to fit the idea they have about us, as we wanted to actually belong, and be accepted by those that claimed that they love us and want everything best for us.
For longer periods, we pretended we were happy. Perhaps sometimes we even believed it ourselves that we were. However, we were wasted way, hollow and empty. We actually tried to make ourselves believe that we can survive in this way, without soul or substance, but as some silhouette.
We were constantly trying to run away from ourselves with every possible direction available, gossip, social media, work, alcohol, games, and study.
However, every day, we were only more miserable. We were not happy when we were supposed to be; we were not sad when we were supposed to be. We were ghosts watching ourselves fade away.
However, one day, every single thing started boiling up within us, with the last breath, our true drowning self roared in rage for freedom. We just wanted to start screaming at this world, shattering and drowning it.
However, we did not. We surrendered and looked within. We have our hand to our true selves which were drowning. We picked ourselves up.
That is the moment when everything has changed. We realized that we were miserable as some part of us was screaming for us to help it while it was drowning, but we were listening to something else.
We realized that we need those particular parts of ourselves others didn’t like or approve of, the parts that we threw into the water to drown, we needed them back. Those are the parts that held us together and made us whole. However, slowly and quietly, we started restoring ourselves.
We started sharing our mind and speaking our thoughts. We started laughing with abandon, permitting sadness, joy, anger, fear, enthusiasm, confidence, love, or everything we felt to start flowing from us like water, or like all those tears they actually told us to simply hold within or wipe out.
We embraced our imagination, creativity, intellect, passion, complexity, our wild spirit, intuition, and our ferocious heart. However, they started distancing themselves. We didn’t fit their ideas of us, the ones without souls.
Our heart was never too much for them, but they have been never truly enough for us. We have been meant for greater things which they can never understand.
We are enough. Everything that we are ever going to need is within us. It is within our goddamn gloriousness which scared them.
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