One of the most popular phrases or concepts that people casually throw around without ever understanding their true meaning is probably love. It is no surprise that we seem to talk so much about love; it is as crucial to our existence as food.
Humans need love for survival. Sadly, we have come to such a point that we have forgotten what true love is. We have so many contorted and twisted definitions around us, courtesy of the popular media and our own experiences, that we no longer know what they really mean.
Many ideas of love exist in our minds, but not all of them are necessarily healthy. This inability to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy forms of love is one of the primary reasons we witness so many conflicts and issues in our relationships.
Without addressing this fundamental issue, we shift our focus to the next individual, only to re-create the same pattern. We can trace all our problems, including anxiety, commitment issues, and withdrawal, back to this.
The core value of love is the feeling of being safe in someone’s embrace or presence. You have complete faith in that individual and are confident they will ensure your safety. The contentment that arises from this knowledge is what love is all about.
However, we have had so many grandiose versions of what and how love is supposed to be served to us since a young age that we have forgotten what lies beyond the flare and the fabulous. We have become so used to accepting and perpetuating these notions that we think this is all there is to love. And when we don’t find this paraphernalia, we think that this love too has failed.
Love isn’t the perfect couple’s selfie or that matching outfit. It is the warmth that you associate with a person that cannot be imitated by anyone else. However, all hope is not lost. No matter how fake the idea of love is, we have come to accept it.
We are still capable of feeling and receiving true love. Love is one of our natural instincts. It might get buried under layers of conditioning, but it can always be retrieved.
All of us know and can tap into that feeling—loving someone so much that you can entrust them with your life, knowing no harm will come your way as long as they are with you.
We feel the need to be the center of someone’s world—someone who is willing to keep our needs as their priority. This is how our first relationship bond is formed—that of a mother and child.
A secure attachment is one where the needs of the child are met in a safe environment filled with attention and care. An insecure attachment is when one or more of these needs are either neglected or met in an unhealthy manner. We might have been just children, but we picked up when there was a strain in the relationship between our parents.
Most of us are not lucky enough to have a secure attachment while growing up. Our parents were troubled and flawed, and though they might have wanted the best for us, their insecurities seeped into the love we received. In worse conditions, there wasn’t even this pseudo-love; there was abuse, neglect, and abandonment.
We might not realize this, but we are shaped by these incidents. We need to overcome the insecurities, anxieties, and distrust our parents passed on to us. We need to learn to love again. It is possible, and all it requires is constant effort and perspective.
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