It’s honestly not a problem for me being the one who always initiates the conversations in the relationship. I really don’t care that much that I always have to be the one who makes the first move.
I don’t mind being the person who actually gets the ball rolling between us. I understand that perhaps I’m just a little bit more aggressive and forward than you are.
I’m not intimidated by the fact that I’m the one who has to ask you how you are feeling just so we can get a conversation going. I am fine with the fact that I have to be the one who tells you that I miss you just so I can gain your attention. I’ve done it so many times in the past and I’m more than willing to keep doing it in future.
But the problem is that no matter how much effort I put in to this relationship no matter how much effort I place into getting you to talk to me, I always end up with nothing to show for it. You never reciprocate any of my efforts. Even when I’m the one who is initiating everything I never get any real follow-ups from you. It’s as if I’m devoting all of my time to a person who would barely even spend a second to think about me. So I’m going to stop giving you so much of my efforts.
I’m going to stop investing so much of who I am into you. I am going to stop pouring my heart and soul into whatever this thing is that we share together. I’m going to stop all of it if you aren’t going to make me feel like my efforts are being appreciated. I’m going to stop trying if you don’t really see my value in your life as a human being.
I’m just so sick and tired of playing the waiting game with you all the time. Waiting for you is like waiting for rain to drop in the Sahara. I’m so tired of just passively waiting around for you, wondering what could be keeping you from replying to me. I’m sick of the mini-heart attack that I get every time my phone beeps because I know that these moments are too few and too far in between.
I’m so sick and tired of receiving all the one-word replies. I’m sick and tired of all the conversation enders that you keep sending me. If you’re not going to put in the same kind of effort that I’m putting in, that would be fine. But if you’re not going to put in ANY effort at all, then that’s where I draw the line. I deserve better than nothing because I have given you my everything. I am not going to spend any more time on you not even a minute; not even a second.
You have made me realize that I am worth so much more than what I’m getting out of you; and you did so effortlessly. You didn’t even have to do anything to make me realize my own worth and that’s kind of the point of it. You didn’t do anything. You were passive. And I deserve more than just a passive partner who seems numb to all of my efforts and my advances.
I honestly just see no point or value in trying to make things work with you if you aren’t going to lift a finger yourself. It’s as if we’re caught in an endless cycle of nothingness and that’s not what I want out of a love story. Talking to you is like talking to a wall.
It’s hopeless to expect anything substantial to come out of you. In fact, a wall might have better things to say than you. I don’t want to end up being known as the person who just couldn’t take a hint. Maybe you’re not as in love with me as I have been led to believe. Maybe you’re not as into me as I want you to be.
I try so hard to make you feel included in my life because I want you to become an integral part of my world. But despite all of my efforts, you never even give me a little glimpse into your own life. You never allow me to see what it means to be you and I have no idea what to do anymore other than to move on.
I’m just going to have to throw in the towel and give up. I fought the good fight and I gave all of my love to this relationship that ended up bearing no fruit. And so if you’re wondering where things went wrong it’s you. You were the only wrong one in this equation.
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1 comment
When you give expecting to receive, this is a “transaction”, not a true gift!… A true “gift” is something given without expecting anything in return! Hopefully the receiver of the gift you gave to, will provide you a smile and thank you, perpetuating a feel good between both of you, which is the principle of true “giving and receiving”! What you describe is not having your expectations fulfilled… Was the other person ever aware of; what you desired and/or expected in return for your transactions? Or, did you expect that “they should know” without you sharing the the truth of how you feel, thus providing them the opportunity to reciprocate the transaction contributing to your happiness in the relationship?! Several realizations are needing awareness here… 1) Happiness is created within… You were born with it, and if you stop long enough to let go of the story of victimhood, then you allow yourself to return to the happiness which is already inside of you! Have you considered that most of what you describe, is your responsibility to give yourself and not the other’s responsibility!? If you haven’t ever had a “calm” and real conversation about how you feel, creating an atmosphere of collaboration, so you both can move forward “together”, then how is this the other’s fault for how you feel? Too, why did you choose to make your relationship public?! Where you looking for; clarity, justification, sympathy, or confirming truthfully “you are done!”? Have you considered that bringing your issues for “everyone” to see in a public arena, making yourself look like a martyr, only reflects that you haven’t tried everything in a calm way, to truly bring resolution to the conflict that seems to originate within, and the other maybe completely unaware of the issues you are having?! Every relationship that gets to the place of “what about me!” is destined to end, period! Approaching the other with this attitude, creates the same from the other! You have to approach from an atmosphere of what is good for “both of you”!\ If however, you have tried all the above and the other doesn’t reciprocate, then it’s time to leave! When you both part calmly (thanking one another for the experiences; bad and good, along with what you learned that you weren’t aware of previous to the relationship!)… It’s time to do the real work of paying attention to what “you did” to create the divide, so you don’t carry the same story, in the next relationship (otherwise you will create a gerbil wheel of; wash, rinse, repeat)!\ There are too many myths about how things “should” be, and not enough truth of how things truly are… Also, there’s not enough information about how both parties can contribute to create “what is good for everyone”, thus perpetuating more of a collaborative process and true “partnership”… Feel good about getting things off your chest, learning about what you don’t want, which contributes being clearer about what you do… But at the same time, reorient and figure out what you can do to contribute to helping the other; help you, to help yourself, or just leave! Bottom line, you are the happiness and love you seek, look within! Namaste…