by Conscious Reminder
We’ve all declared ourselves to be in love at least a few times in our lives. Society and popular culture has ingrained the idea that whoever brings out strong feelings from us is someone we love and would wish to have a relationship with.
Let’s start with how love happens. First, we become attracted to a person. This attraction gradually turns into feelings. Sometimes simply looking at that person will cause our bodies to react. The heart beats faster, the stomach feels like its turning a complicated somersault and so on. A variety of emotions will rush through us – joy, security, desire, anticipation.
But is it true love based on just these emotions that come out when we meet this person?
Here’s the truth. All feelings are temporary. None of us have escaped social conditioning and we can stop loving someone just as easily we start loving them.
To put it simply, all these feelings we have for that person will fluctuate depending on many other factors like the behaviour of that person, their quirks, habits, other people’s opinions and more. It is very easy for love and desire to turn into rage and hatred.
Moreover, all these feelings can be felt by you for another person. You’re not going to feel very different with the next person you fall in love with. It is just the circumstances that are changing.
While love cannot exist without feeling, it is important to differentiate them from the entirety of the experience that is love. All of us enjoy that heady rush of emotions but that’s not all there is to love.
It takes a lot of patience and effort. Relationships are not easy and when life throws challenges your way, you’ll need more than just fleeting emotions to get you through it all.
In the end, what matters is that you and your significant other possess similar value systems. When people find themselves intricately tangled with an abusive partner, they only stay with them for emotional reasons. If their minds were similar, they wouldn’t even look at them in the first place.
It is easy to get carried away by feelings. They even change the way we perceive the world around us. But feelings barely exist for longer than a couple moments. They are given life by us acting on their effect.
For example, you might get very happy when you see your partner. This happiness is fleeting but you it blends into reality because you remember how it felt when you saw them and you wish to feel that way again.
However what we actually need to focus on is whether our values fit together. Do you both have a similar vision? Think about the things you like to do together, whether you agree on things that matter, whether you communicate properly, and the way you both conduct yourselves individually.
Having good chemistry with your significant other is important no doubt but being mentally aligned is what keeps your relationship going. It is easy enough to be attracted to someone but attraction can die out in a matter of minutes. But if you’ve managed to have an inspiring discussion with that person you’ll spend time even much later on replaying that in your mind.
Don’t let go of those feelings. Take all the pleasure you can get out of the feeling of being in love but don’t forget. But don’t forget to take a moment to look for what matters.
Strip all the emotions away from your relationship and look to see if there is anything left. If there is something, your relationship is strong and will be lasting.
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