I think that, in every woman’s life, there was at least one man who insulted, humiliated, or belittled her at some point.
Psychologists say it’s a matter of unconscious choice of a partner based on what they saw as a pattern and dynamics in their own family or because of certain genetic predispositions.
This is all true, and sometimes it’s even obvious.
But there are things that are difficult to explain: for example, when a good girl from a family full of love chooses a sociopath and gets countless manifestations of the dark side of her personality. As if she needs to hit rock bottom at any cost.
In many women, the painful, traumatic experience of relationships – is a natural stage in the formation of her personality. Women belittle and humiliate themselves to the extreme limits.
Then they start hating men, become disappointed and loose faith. Only with time, and if God allows it, they realize that it’s never been about men, it’s all about them.
Women don’t love and appreciate themselves enough. That’s why they let their toxic partners exercise their sick minds on them.
On top of it, sometimes women are awfully afraid of loneliness. She can be strong and independent, have her own flat, a car, and money, and still not be enough for herself. She is now comfortable with herself, she lives in fear of loneliness.
Yes, your brain is trying to explain why you got hooked on that man – because you love him. But that is not love. It’s not love at all. It’s attachment. A terrible, heavy love attachment. It’s always hell, whether you are together or apart.
I’m sure love is only possible when you are not afraid to lose your partner. You can be sad without him, occasionally you can feel loneliness, but not panic and despair. When you have confidence in yourself and in the world, when you are free from unconscious insanity, you know that there is no sense in suffering.
You can always give up pain and get something better that brings pleasure and joy. And when you make the choice consciously, you are not driven by fears: fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of solitude and other fears.
Once you get to the bottom, when complete helplessness and shyness comes, there is no reason to choose dependency again.
I know it’s easier said than done, especially because it takes a lot to change deeply rooted patterns and beliefs.
It may take you many years, and those can be year of loneliness. But there is no other way out. After you make the first step, which is the break up, a kind of a withdrawal phase follows, where you experience a whole different array of pain. If things get to0 difficult, it’s time to see a therapist or psychologist.
The main goal is to grow into a mature and stable person. It’s all worth it, if after the period of pain and torment we get to live a good and peaceful life.
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