by Mami Kelviana,
Contributing Author, Conscious Reminder
Before parents become actual parents they are sisters and brothers, daughters or sons, and sometimes even aunts or uncles. When I first became a parent my entire perspective of life shifted instantly.
Not only did I literally birth new life into the world, but I also gradually learned to become a nurturer and now, more importantly, my child’s biggest supporter. The first thing I had to come to a truce with is that parenting was definitely not easy, let alone a walk in the park.
Which is why I applaud all parents for even trying their best because I totally understand how it feels to have all your energy taken by your child, and still want to give them the whole world in the aftermath.
Trust me when I say I’m far from perfect because some days my energy was so depleted that it even lead me into becoming so overwhelmed that I would doubt my capability of being a parent. Throughout my many failures and disappointments, I gracefully discovered the alchemy of self-love.
It gave me a sort of essence I could embrace, a glow that everyone noticed, but still something no one could ever change or alter. Within a year, self-love has morphed me entirely, has positively affected my family, and the atmosphere of my home drastically.
Self Love has taught me three major lessons as a parent: The first lesson was learning how having patience and being positive is the best way to minimize tantrums. The second lesson taught me that showing yourself love is the best way to spread love.
The final lesson was learning that having a positive perspective can get you through a lot of challenging situations in life.
Having Patience and Being Positive is the Best Way to Minimize Tantrums and Disagreements
As a parent one thing I had to learn was that regardless of your child’s age they will always run into problems. However, most problems help us grow and teach us new habits, but they can cause us to feel fear and agitation if we do not solve our problems correctly.
My child on the other hand primarily relied on me to come to the rescue and be the peacemaker in her problem-solving. In return, she was in desperate need of my attention and most of all my understanding. Whether the problem was solved or not, my energy and attention would sometimes be so depleted.
Gladly I have found a different approach in saving my energy. As my toddler has grown to show signs of independence, my goal in many years to come is to teach her ways to rely on herself in the world. I teach her that by gradually, walking her through solving her own problems.
This is with of course two easy steps: first, I step back and see if she can figure things out for herself, and if she succeeds then I applaud her for using great problem-solving skills. Trust me when I say it works!
My child has a boost in confidence, and as her parent, I feel so good inside for even seeing her put forth an effort in solving problems. Even though she may not learn from the first attempt it’s completely fine. I just continue to remain patient and positive.
Show Yourself Love to Spread Love
I find that it’s absolutely fine to take time apart from my child just to clear my thoughts and find my center. When I first brought my baby girl home from the hospital the first thing I figured out was that she could easily pick up on all of my emotion.
If I was frustrated she was cranky, and if I felt content she was calm. I mean how else could I deny this feeling? She kidnapped my tummy for 9 months and there still was some part of me that remained to believe that she knew me better than I knew myself. Which is how we learned in the fourth trimester to cope with each other.
Yep, I said it, the fourth trimester which many define to be a 3-month span in which I and my baby had to learn to adjust to the world and of course I had to learn to be a nurturer to myself and my bundle of joy. My baby’s job seemed fairly easy to me because all it took was time and patience for her precious mind and body to adjust to the world.
As for me, I had to tackle postpartum while also taking care of me and my baby. Luckily I didn’t do it on my own my husband of course came to the rescue just in the nick of time to give me and my baby some time apart.
So I took that well valued time I had for myself and relaxed. By either taking that extra nap, taking a soothing bath, or either catching up on a book I had been longing to read. No matter how I chose to use my alone time I deserved to pamper myself because like most parents, I had put my best forth.
Most importantly I had to learn to center and ground myself by controlling my thoughts in stressful situations with constant thoughts of good childhood memories. As usual, after a few hours of pampering myself I revived myself into the passionate loving parent I was before.
You Develop a Positive Perspective on Life and Challenging Situations
When I learned to love myself I began to become more confident in who I was. My perspective shifted positively and “life” gracefully began to show its beauty. I learned to understand that although I wasn’t the best parent all the time.
I could still embrace what happens in the “now”. Most of all, I pay careful attention to the type of energy I put forth in my everyday activity. Most of the things I do throughout the day is done with love. Whether it spending many diligent hours potty training my child or making my child’s favorite breakfast.
I always try my best to use love behind each purpose, because I’ve come to realize that life can sometimes be too short which drives me to be just as eager to spend more time with my family and those that are closest to me.
As a parent who practices self-love I find it to be important in my home not only because it makes us happier, but self-love is where the foundation of good mental health begins. In today’s world, we must teach our children from an early age not only how to physically be prepared for the world but more importantly mentally.
If you take action now your kids will thank you in many ways for your patience in understanding. So parents practice self-love. Embrace It, Share It, and Watch it Grow.
Peace and Love, Mami Kelviana
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