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Is Your Obsession With Control Ruining Your Relationship?

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by Conscious Reminder

We all experience the need to control our lives and even our partners from time to time.

We might be burdened with the responsibility of an assignment that has a strict deadline or there might be a need to take care of a child who is problematic.

There might be a need to gain respect from family members, or simply to gain control in order to make sure that everyone is safe. On the other hand, in case we start taking control regularly, there can be serious issues in the relationships we share with others.

It becomes exhausting for others when we begin to impose ourselves on them. People start believing they are being compelled to accept our ways while we micromanage every element in a relationship.

This may cause unpleasant consequences because others begin to get scared that if they do not comply with our demands, we may reject them or do some harm.

In the meantime, we exhaust ourselves with our own habit to oversee every little detail that eventually makes us resentful because we force ourselves upon others.

The key to happy relationships is that we must be able to keep our impulses in check and learn the ways in which we can do that easily.

This urge to control others may emerge from our own anxiety, self-righteousness, or compulsivity. Nonetheless, we must regulate this need before it starts to adversely affect our relationships and bonds.

1: Absence Of Mutuality 

Other people get a clear message that we do not care for them when we focus solely on our own needs and wants. For instance, our partner might want to cut down expenses and enjoy time at home.

However, we may want to go for a vacation to some exotic place and plan accordingly without discussing it with our partner. Such actions often relate to a clear message that we put ourselves before them and we are very self-centered. This upsets our partners since we disregard their desires completely.

2: Imbalanced Relationship 

Our relationship gets imbalanced when we act in an autocratic manner and frequently take charge of all situations. As soon as our partners start realizing that we only focus on our own desires and do things our way, they will start withdrawing from us.

They will stop thinking about our relationship and become unresponsive. Rather they will start having grudges against us and stay angry or upset most times. Because of this, both individuals will become highly resentful and dissatisfied with the relationship.

3: Bitter Feelings 

We might be feeling resentful mainly because we expect cooperation and appreciation for doing the things we consider best for our partner. For instance, we throw a big and lavish wedding party for our daughter even when she had desired a small ceremony.

Naturally, she gets upset and we feel angry for not getting appreciated for all our efforts. In order to avoid such situations, we must stop assuming and resist the need to dismiss what others want by replacing them with our thoughts.

4: Damaged Self-Understanding 

Relationships tend to become toxic when one partner tries to control the other and gets involved in all their activities. The person who is being controlled often feels inadequate and considers themselves incapable.

A deep sense of worthlessness emerges from their lack of identity. Meanwhile, the controlling partner feels a sense of achievement and selfishness. When their partners try to resist, they simply make them feel inferior and gain control and manipulate them in their own way.

Word Of Advice 

The desire to control is the primary reason behind all failed relationships. Even if everything appears to be happy and peaceful, things are awry because things are going according to the controlling person. They feel helpless if things do not go according to their wants.

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