by Katie IndiCrow,
Contributing Author, Conscious Reminder
So many times we people pleasers get caught up in situations that we think we should be in, or that we believe we should want only to find out that they aren’t exactly what we thought they would be.
We fall in love with people and they lie, we start a career and find out that it’s not what we expected, we get asked to volunteer for an activity that we just don’t have time for.
We do these things because we want to help people, we want to feel love, we are scared of ‘quitting’ something we invested a lot of time/money in.
A big part of the justification we give ourselves is that if we stick around long enough, maybe things will change or somehow get easier on us. We came this far, didn’t we? Maybe they will.
But what if they don’t? How long is too long to engage with something that isn’t in line with your highest self? These are all questions being posed to us in our energetic corridor.
Every single day, we are presented with a number of choices. How we navigate those choices in large part determines whether we are being true to ourselves, our needs, and our goals or not.
Every time we make a choice for us, we are moving closer in line with our highest self and to satisfying our role here on earth. People pleasers often have a hard time saying no because they fear disappointing people or empathize with how much work or pain they will have to endure without them.
My question to my fellow people pleasers is, if your heart isn’t into that relationship, at that job, or in the volunteer position, why not create the space for a person to come in who can thrive in it? You see, saying no, withdrawing, or declining an invitation to participate is not necessarily a bad thing in these situations.
Rather, it allows you to honor yourself while simultaneously opening up an opportunity for love, work, or experience to another person who may grow greatly from it. In this sense, taking one step back can create space for two people to take a step forward.
The idea that we have to take on everything or please everyone ourselves is a fallacy that many ‘nice’ people hold in our heads. We believe that by sacrificing ourselves, we are helping another person.
We want to help people, so we do it. Don’t get me wrong – sometimes we actually are. Being selfless is a beautiful quality that shouldn’t be underestimated. Other times, however, we let ourselves be trapped by our servitude to others.
The message I felt inspired to share with you today is that when something is hurting you or taking you away from what is in your best interest, it is perfectly ok to say no. It is ok to set boundaries. It is ok to take care of yourself and your needs. When you are full, you are better for yourself and others.
Here is a mantra that you can use to help remind yourself of this in times where you feel you need a little extra strength in the next few weeks.
“I am light. I am love. When I act in line with my best self, I cannot go wrong.”
In loving co-creation,
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