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Letting Go With Love: How Detachment Improves Relationships

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By Elyane Youssef

Detachment has revolutionized my relationships and taken them to the next level.

Crazy, right? When I claim that detachment transcends love, some people laugh at me. It’s insane—how can I love someone, yet be detached from them?

I’ve been there more than once, therefore, I know that detachment is the most imperative element to achieve a profound and successful union. I can’t put enough stress on the importance of taking detachment to heart.

However, we must really understand what detachment means, because as I’ve come to notice, “detach” is a word that terrifies a whole lot of people.

Instead of saying “detachment,” we oftentimes like to use the term “healthy attachment.” From my own experience, I can tell you no such thing exists. There is no healthy attachment, but there’s certainly something called a healthy detachment.

Attachment is never healthy. Whether we’re attached to a person, a drug, an idea, a place, or a thing, attachment only makes us miserable and dependent.

Attachment is a form of addiction. The most dangerous form of addiction in life is the one that includes people. Being addicted to someone is a double-edged sword that hurts you and your counterpart. It leads to anxiety, depression, agitation, anger, and frustration—especially when your source of addiction is not available.

To start off, I will explain what detachment is not, in hopes of eradicating any false notions we have about this.

>> Detachment doesn’t mean becoming aloof or closed off. It has nothing to do with selfishness, impertinence, or indifference.

>> It doesn’t mean to stop being vulnerable or passionate.

>> It doesn’t mean to cut off intimacy with our partner or to not move mountains for the person we love.

>> It doesn’t mean we become less than who we are, and it certainly doesn’t mean we jeopardize our relationship with the other person.

We think detachment is a wall that we build—but, the fact is, it’s a bridge that leads to a deeper, more intimate love.

We usually work on emotionally detaching from someone after a breakup. Nonetheless, emotional detachment is essential in all our present relationships—and I’m not only referring to the romantic ones; attachment also exists among family members and friends.

So then, what is detachment?

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