Home Consciousness We Stay Stuck at the Emotional Age When We Needed Love the Most, But We Didn’t Get It

We Stay Stuck at the Emotional Age When We Needed Love the Most, But We Didn’t Get It

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by Conscious Reminder

I come across people aged 20, 30, or 40 every day, but I have come to the conclusion that only their bodies are at that age. In terms of their emotional age, they look like they are stuck in the period when they were just children, and they are still expecting to receive the love that they never did. 

The sad thing about this is that they will stay there until they learn that they are the only ones responsible for their own happiness. They need to learn to love themselves before anyone else can.

Every age has its own needs, which means that all the love and attention you expect from your parents is going to change as the years pass. Simply put, different ages also have different requirements and needs.

Children build trust when they are still young, and for them, love represents their mother’s compassionate concern for their needs. If the mother is unreliable, it indicates that she has disregarded her child, and the cycle continues. The mother’s behavior may make her children worried or afraid for their safety.

When they become adults, it will be quite hard to make contact with them. When in a relationship, they constantly question and test their partners, as they have trust problems. These people can also feel vulnerable and helpless in intimate relationships.

Later, when aged two or three, the child will learn to develop his or her self-control and be independent. If their parents hide their development in some way, then they will start feeling ashamed.

Moreover, when their parents are overprotective most of the time, that will leave their children blind to the real needs they have as kids, so they will start doubting their abilities and also their capacity to control everything that surrounds them or themselves too.

Even when they are adults, they will not be confident, but they will believe that other people look at them with disapproval and judgment. Obsessive-compulsive symptoms and paranoid fears that appear as a result of trauma may also occur.

Loving children who are 3 to 6 years old is going to encourage them to take independent actions, support their initiatives, or even accept their creativity and curiosity. When parents do not permit their children to act on their own, responding to their necessities, they will punish them, and their guilt feelings are also going to develop.

As they mature into adulthood, they often become ‘big kids’, lacking the focus and determination necessary to set realistic goals and achieve them. When they feel constantly guilty, that guilt can cause impotence, passivity, frigidity, or even psychopathic behavior.

Children form their values when they reach school age. When parents doubt the capacities of their children or their status among other peers, it can definitely discourage them from learning further or build an inferiority feeling in them, which is later going to kill their security in their ability to exist and function effectively in this world.

Our suggestion for you is to give the child inside you a helping hand in order to grow. So, to do that, you can find a photo of you when you were a kid, or you can simply imagine the child living inside you. So, start with the question: What age is the child? What does he or she look like? What does he or she think? Who is there next to her or him? What’s the deal with her or him?

You should talk to the child inside you. After that, take one piece of paper and two pencils, each of which is a different color. Take one with your right hand, and the other with your left hand. If you are right-handed, you should write with the right hand on behalf of the adult inside you and utilize the left one on behalf of the child inside you. Do the opposite if you are left-handed.

You and the child inside you will be alone during the conversation. Who will start first? Or, when will the discussion begin? You may get unexpected answers.

After that, it will be time to create your relationship with her or him. You can communicate with your inner child frequently or not so regularly. It depends on you.

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