by Conscious Reminder
I come across people aged 20, 30 or 40 every day, but I have come to a conclusion that only their bodies are at that age. Regarding their emotional age, they look like they are stuck in the period when they were just children, and they are still expecting to receive the love which they never did.
The sad thing about this is that they will stay there until they lear that they are the only ones responsible for their own happiness. They need to learn to love themselves before anyone else can.
Every age has its own needs, which means that all the love and attention you expect from your parents is going to change as the years pass. Simply said, different ages also have different requirements and needs.
Trust is built when children are still young, and for them, love will represent compassionate concern that their mother has for their needs. If she is unreliable, it means that she dismissed her child, and so on. The behavior of the mother may make her children worry or afraid for their well-being.
When they become adults, it will be quite hard to make some contact with them. When in a relationship, they constantly question and test their partners as they have trust problems. Also, in intimate relationships, these people can feel vulnerable and helpless.
Later, when aged two or three, the child will learn to develop his or her self-control and be independent. If their parents hider their development in some way, then they will start feeling ashamed.
Moreover, when their parents are overprotective most of the time, that will leave their children blind to the real needs they have as kids, so they will start doubting their abilities, and also the capacity to control everything that surrounds them or themselves too.
Even when they are grownups, they will not be confident, but they will believe that other people look them with disapproval and judgment. Some obsessive-compulsive symptoms and paranoid fears which appear as a result of trauma may also happen.
Loving children that are from 3 to 6 years old is going to encourage them to take independent actions, or support their initiatives, or even the acceptance of creativity and curiosity. When parents do not permit their children to act on their own, responding to their necessities, they will punish them, and their guilt feeling is also going to develop.
When they become adults, they are ‘big kids’ that are not enough focused on the purposes or determination of setting their realistic goals and then achieve them. When they feel constantly guilty, that guilt may cause impotence, passivity or even frigidity, or also psychopathic behavior.
Values in children are formed when they are at school age. When parents doubt the capacities of their children or their status among other peers, it can definitely discourage them to learn further, or build the inferiority feeling in them, which is later going to kill their security in their ability to exist and function effectively in this world.
Our suggestion for you is to give the child inside you a helping hand in order to grow. So, to do that, you can find a photo of you when you were a kid, or you can simply imagine the kid living inside you. So, start with the questions: What age is the child? What he or she looks like? What does he or she think? Who is there next to her or him? What is the matter with her or him?
You should talk to the child inside you. After that, take one paper, two pencils, each of them of a different color. Take the one with your right and one with your left hand. If you are right-handed, you should write with the right hand on behalf of the adult inside you, and utilize the left one on behalf of the child inside you. Do the opposite if you are left-handed.
You and the child inside you will be alone in the conversation. Who will start first? Or, when will the discussion begin? You may get unexpected answers.
After that, it will be time to create your relationship with her or him. You can communicate with your inner child often or not so regularly. It depends on you.
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