by Conscious Reminder
Here, we are going to talk about the six things we should remember when it will be the time to move on:
He is gone.
He is gone, and he isn’t coming back. Now, he is the wind passing through our window, forcing us to remember his breath’s smell and his palm’s warmth. It forces us to remember his lips’ faithlessness passing towards ours.
We are going to remember how it feels to touch his scalp while we were scratching his hair while he was asleep; we are going to remember this person in each knock on the door, in each missed call from some unknown number, or in each broken sink or flickering lights he fixed for us.
We are going to remember him when we see someone that has his name. We are going to remember him unless we don’t.
Our heart is the empty auditorium at the time of business hours.
Our heart will be the empty auditorium at the time of business hours when every person is too busy in order to see some play.
It will be hollow, and its silence will frighten us; however, while it is healing, the empty is going to become full of individuals, and it is going to foster unless the empty turns into a full house, or unless the empty turns into the parade where some broken parts are marching back to the void, filling the spaces.
The questions we would like to ask.
The questions that we would like to ask this person when we see him again will be the same questions we keep asking ourselves: Why? Why he left us? Why his presence agrees on making every day the blizzard of sadness and laughter hitting only one field during the same time?
Why he made us happy to start with? Why we want a kid named after our late grandfather or a poem related to how beautiful our smile and our eyes are after we cry? Why are we still waiting?
We should keep going ahead and also reroute.
This person left a lot of memories which lead to our longing so that we have to keep going ahead, and even reroute. We should go to places he really hates going.
Or, we should buy ourselves flowers, book ourselves table for two, but dine alone. Seattle, Barcelona, Croatia, he maybe dreamt of all these places, so that we should visit them before he does.
We can drink our coffee at six rather than eight because we were drinking it with this person during that period. We should help ourselves get over the routine, which cost us breakdowns on the bathroom floor and self-medication.
We should stop crying right when we are done.
We are not supposed to cry when everything is done, not when our horoscope, other people, or some quotes we found online told us so. Our heart carries a package that doesn’t have a recipient.
It is quite heavy, and we do not know where we are supposed to go. Our tears are the promises he made but never completed. These are the promises which we continue hearing each time when the lyrics of a song reminds us of the presence of this person, every time we hear the voice of this person calling our name in the crowd.
We aren’t weak only because we cry over a person that left. We are permitted to cry for someone that hurt us. There will be people who will tell us to simply get over everything and be strong, while others will tell us to sleep so that everything will be right where it should be when we wake up.
However, we can’t even sleep, or we aren’t strong – not still. Convincing ourselves that everything will return to normal after someone discounts his subscription, also leaving us bankrupt as of the un-renewed contract, will not be a strength.
Pain is not supposed to empower or make us strong individuals in one moment. Pain is supposed to make us feel something. Also, healing isn’t the race we are supposed to win. Because of that, we should take our time.
We should let go.
We should let go because everything starts right here.
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