by Diane H Wong,
Contributing Author, Conscious Reminder
Women and Divorce
Divorce is a difficult time for both parties regardless of who initiated the process. It is the closing of a chapter in your life, and often a time that we reflect on past hurt and mistakes. Some newly divorced women will go through portions of the grieving process such as denial, guilt, anger, reflection or depression, and then acceptance. How you deal with your new-found status as a divorced woman is important to your healing, and can help you open new doors after this one has closed.
As with any trial in life, you should never push yourself to do anything you’re not ready for. You know yourself better than anyone else, and only you can determine when you’re ready to move on after your divorce.
When you are ready, you can take the word divorce and add celebration to the end, and that is when you begin your divorce celebration! Do the things you’ve always wanted, experience life in a new way, be your own person, and show off your singlism. You’re now divorced, not dead, so get out there and live your life
Around the House
Remember the days before you were married when you ran around the house in your favorite sweats, no makeup or bra, and your favorite CD cranked up? Well, those days are back, but now you’re decorating with only yourself in mind! Make or buy a CD of upbeat and inspirational music, throw your hair up in a ponytail, and get to work on kicking bad memories to the curb.
- Take down any pictures of you and your ex.
- Rearrange your furniture, or if you’re able, buy new furniture all together.
- Clean out his side of the closet, after you’ve gone shopping so you have more to fill his old space.
- Use his man cave, garage, den, etc., and make it into a personal exercise or yoga room.
I speak from experience when I say that sometimes when women get married they tend to get stuck in the same old routine with their looks. They figure that’s what attracted their husbands, to begin with so why change it. During divorce celebration, it’s okay to try new things and to be different. After all, if you don’t personally like it, you can always change it, but it won’t be due to coming home to a shocked expression on a husband’s face. Be bold, be brave, and take a singleap.
- Take a makeup class that teaches exotic techniques.
- Get a hairstyle that you’ve always wanted to try.
- Try a new color, make sure it isn’t permanent until you know it’s what you want.
- Set a goal for yourself, and start exercising.
- Invite the girls over and have a spa party complete with manis, pedis, facials, and wine of course.
Exercise is always good for you, but even more so when you are struggling with the emotions of life during or after a divorce. It is a great way to relieve tension, anger, and can also help with divorce depression. You don’t have to turn into a full-fledged exercise machine, but a few simple changes will help tremendously. Not to mention, the heads you’ll turn will be a great boost of confidence for when you’re ready to move on after all divorce issues are settled.
- Walk for 20 minutes a day 3-5 days a week.
- Take up a yoga class.
- Get a gym membership.
- Start a neighborhood exercise group, or even post an ad for a single women’s exercise group.
Find an Outlet for Your Emotions
Regardless of when you begin your divorce celebration, or how you go about it, don’t neglect what you’re still feeling inside. Divorce depression is common and is part of the grieving process. It’s impossible to immediately put all feelings of hurt, worry or regret aside simply because you’re involved in new activities or trying new things. Surround yourself with support, and find a way to get your feelings and thoughts out in times when you’re feeling down.
- Join a support group for divorced women.
- Write a blog.
- Post in forums of other people dealing with the same feelings.
- Talk to a therapist.
- Post on HubPages.
Dating After a Divorce
I saved this one for last because personally, it was the hardest step for me. Your divorce could have been finalized years ago, and some may still feel guilty as if they’re being unfaithful. This is the part of the divorce process that you should never rush yourself into until you’re ready, or it could end disastrously. Meeting new people after divorce comes easier to some than it does to others, so you should always trust your own feelings. In all probability, someone will be emotionally hurt if you allow for a rebound relationship to occur. With that being said, it’s best that you begin dating after divorce when you know you’re ready.
- Try speed dating
- Let friends and family set you up with a blind date
- Go to a singles night with friends
- Try trusted online dating sites
As I mentioned in the beginning of this hub, you know yourself better than anyone else ever will. You know when you are hurt, happy, ready, or feeling depressed, and you should trust your gut instinct. Divorce doesn’t have to be a long drawn-out fight, and once the ink is dry, you shouldn’t be left wondering where to go from there. Divorced women shouldn’t feel as though they have to immediately move on or meet new people. Take time to find yourself again, and what it’s like to be a single, independent and strong woman.
Have fun with your divorce celebration, and enjoy your new life.
About the author: I’m Diane H Wong, a writer for the research paper helper. I worked as a teacher of History some years ago. It gave me an ability to understand people’s psychology and assess the relationships between a woman and man.
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