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When Valentine’s Day finally arrives, nearly all of us begin to look for signs of love that come from outside of ourselves. These signs may include chocolate, cards, phone calls, flowers, gifts, or other sweet expressions of affection.
The unfortunate reality is that even if there is love all around us, if we do not love ourselves, we might not notice it, nor will we believe or trust what we see.
Attempting to fill ourselves up by draining the energy of others is a common behavior when we feel empty inside. The trouble is that no amount of love from another person can make up for the hole we leave when we feel inadequate. The cosmic irony is that we must already possess love in order to receive it; it is an internal process. So, as we approach Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to reflect on your connection with yourself.
More than two decades ago, at my first workshop on personal development, we did an exercise that I will now share with you:
Put your hands on your heart and visualize gazing into a mirror.
Tell yourself, “I love you and accept you just the way you are,” while staring intently into your own eyes. Be on the lookout for the response in your reflection. Feel the impact of sending and receiving this message of self-love on your emotions.
What was your reaction to this exercise?
Did it feel good?
Did it feel uncomfortable?
Were you willing to try it?
It came as a huge shock to me when I followed the directions. In a caustic manner, my reflection rolled her eyes and remarked, “Yeah, sure you do.” I didn’t know I had a problem with my self-esteem until that moment. This activity may provide a pleasant sensation for some of you. Like the first time, it will probably hurt other people. Either way, your emotions are a gift, regardless of the situation.
Even if it hurts, you have the gift of knowing that you need to work on your self-esteem, and you are well-equipped to do so. I jumped at the chance to do all it took to change that reality as soon as I was given the gift of self-discovery. In an effort to help myself and others, I started researching, reading, and implementing philosophies and practices that boost self-esteem. I then started teaching these methods to others. Thanks to that challenging and unpleasant experience, I was led directly to my life’s calling.
Make it a habit to look into a real mirror first thing in the morning and last thing at night, beginning on Valentine’s Day. Before you tell yourself you love yourself, take a moment to look into your own eyes and list all the things you like, love, admire, and appreciate about yourself. This may seem foolish to some of you, but trust me when I say it is both incredibly powerful and incredibly easy. Looking at ourselves in the mirror and being critical of our weight, hair, complexion, and clothing is second nature to us. Unfortunately, few of us ever feel love when we gaze into our own eyes. If you want to replace criticism with kindness, you have to do this every day.
It is not a desirable quality to have low self-esteem. Being confident in your abilities gives you an advantage whenever you go out to meet new people or build relationships with people you know. Your words and energy convey your inner state to the people you seek to attract, which can backfire if you’re unhappy with yourself. Alternatively, you can attract manipulators and control freaks. As you become better at praising yourself in the mirror, you’ll be more confident when you meet new people and more likely to find a healthy partner.
Beyond the physical self you see when you look in the mirror, there is another side of yourself that you will discover as you gaze into your own eyes. s the saying goes, “The eyes are the window to the soul.” Many of us have the tendency to assume the worst about other people and assume they are not being truthful if they avoid making eye contact while we are conversing. Something is missing between us. But we rarely ever forge such a deep bond with our own souls. Here is the starting point for more fulfilling relationships.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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