The Woman In Me

by Samanta Rejc Debevec
contributing author, Conscious Reminder

When I lost my strength ten years ago as a domestic violence victim, there was a long way to go.

First, I had to prove to myself that I was indestructible. I was not allowed to be weak and vulnerable. Neither woman. Actually, I wanted to prove to myself that I can handle more than men. I started to dress differently and talk differently.

I wasn’t in touch with my​ feelings anymore, so I was telling myself that I don’t have feelings, but what I didn’t know was that the women in me was living too, she was not dead, even though they tried to kill her. In fact, they tried so hard that they ended up making her invincible.

When I proved that to myself and to him, I had to find my femininity again. It was not easy. I searched for it for a long time without success and so I stood somewhere between the two worlds. Intuitively, I started to connect with nature, and, I found that I was slowly connecting to the woman​ ​inside.

When I finally found her, I found her at the bottom of my heart, curled up. She cried and shivered. She was broken. I sat down on the floor next to her and only observed. “Who are you?” she asked me, and I answered her quietly: “I am you. We are one, but a long time ago they separated us and I looked for you everywhere. I thought you were lost forever.

Now that I finally found you, I will not leave you, not ever. Now you are safe.” She sat opposite of me and began to pick up the pieces of her that were shattered around her. I wanted to help her, but I knew she had to do this on her own.

And so I sat along giving her strength. I noticed that the pieces did not fit anymore, so we started to make our own pattern, together.

When we finished, we embraced each other. At that moment we were back merged and became One again.

Now, you’re wondering. Is this the end of the road? Of course not. Every day I find out something new about myself and I admit that it is OK to do so. I’m not perfect, But in my imperfection, I am as perfect as the universe created me.

And my mission is to tell you that you are stronger than you can imagine. You are a spiritual being, the body in which you live is only temporary. It does not matter what color or shape it is. Once you discover your essence, you will be surprised, as was I. Then You will find that you can do anything. Your dreams and hopes … all of this was put into your cradle. You just have to remember.

Be bold in search and gentle with yourself. Only you can do. Other travelers of your life are here to teach you something. Many will leave because they have to. But those who will remain (in your heart), they are here to stay and teach you the greatest lesson of life; Only love remains at the end and gratitude that we could feel it. As deeply as the rock in the river sinks.

Right up to the bottom.


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