“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing more to take away.”
– Antoine de Saint-Exupery
When I was growing up, I thought there was something wrong with me.
Throughout my high-school and early college years, I found myself lacking social confidence and struggling to feel comfortable in social situations.
I had an intense fear of conflict. I was a people pleaser, perfectionist, and I always feared approaching big groups. I never rose my hand in class, and I often dealt with a paralyzing over-analysis of even the most simple social situations.
Perhaps worst of all, I couldn’t attract women to save my life.
I knew I had to discover more about myself, and find out how I could use my own strengths to my advantage.
As I developed my own style that eliminated my fears of talking to new people, I found myself able to express a new-found authenticity. I became comfortable in my own skin and was constantly learning how to improve my social skills, while at the same time using solitude to manage my energy and focus.
Here are just a few of the ideas I have learned that make introverts irresistibly attractive.
They excel at intimate connections
Introverts are very deep people. Whether it’s interactions with others, understanding the meaning of things, or learning skills, introverts want to get to the root of whatever they’re after.
That being said, they don’t often have the energy to pursue deep interactions with a large number of people. Introverts tend towards deeper interactions with a few people, as opposed to shallower interactions with a lot of people. If an introvert is interested in you, they will open their soul to you.
They will listen to you
Introverts are a type that often listen more than they speak. They crave understanding more than being understood. They want to hear others’ opinions and stories to try and piece together who they are.
Everyone wants to be heard. As attention spans shrink in our technology-centered world, introverts make people feel important when they give them their precious energy and focus in hearing what they have to say.
They are sensitive
Studies show that introverts are physically more sensitive than extroverts.
In a recent study, lemon juice was placed on the tongues of both introverts and extroverts. Introverts were found to have salivated more when subjected to the lemon juice. This study shows that introverts’ brains are more responsive to stimuli, and this greater response means that introverts are more sensitive to external events.
Introverts feel what others feel. This can range from intense feelings of guilt when they feel like they might have upset someone, to strong feelings of happiness and fulfillment when they do something positive for someone else.
They love deep conversation
Introverts would rather talk about values than the weather. They would rather talk about childhood events that shaped someone’s life as opposed to learning what someone had for dinner last night. They love to talk about things they’re passionate about, and once they start, it can be hard to get them to stop.
These kinds of deep conversations can form a strong connection between two people, and make them feel like they’ve known each other for years. Making yourself vulnerable and talking about deep topics is critical for building attraction.
They use solitude to improve themselves
It’s no surprise that introverts spend more time in solitude than extroverts. During this alone time, they aren’t just staring blankly at a wall.
They’re reading a fiction novel that excites their imagination. They’re reading “how-to” books, studying great characters in movies and TV shows, and listening to music that makes them feel a certain way. Introverts are always looking for more knowledge, more skills, and more ways to improve themselves.
They aren’t easy
One of the greatest assets of an attractive introvert is their mystery. They don’t share everything with everyone, and they like to keep it that way.
They are quiet around some, and loud around others. They keep people guessing, and can make others feel like they have earned their interest. Introverts are at peace with the fact that some people will never understand them. This lack of complete understanding can spark a curiosity that quickly builds into attraction.
They keep it real
Introverts are not usually salesmen. They’re not known for their ability to spin reality into something that sounds better than it is. What you get from an introvert is an authenticity that can be seen as refreshing and attractive.
They are better at delaying gratification
Introverts are less impulsive and spend more time thinking things through. They are more willing to make sacrifices in the short-term to achieve something greater for themselves and others in the long-run.
Introverts can be insanely attractive. It just might take some time and effort to get them to open up.
As humans we value things that are scarce. Introverts provide this scarcity in an intriguing way that creates meaningful, lasting relationships.
If you’re an introvert, you might often think that you have to have “more” in order to be attractive. You know what’s more, though? Less is more. You don’t necessarily need more stories or funny lines, you just have to learn how to unleash the skills you do have in the most powerful way.
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