by Conscious Reminder
I was taken aback when my therapist told me that I am at the emotional stage of a 15-year old. I have achieved a lot in my life but my emotional level is still so low. The reason behind this is the trauma that I experienced after the age of 15.
In the observation period, my therapist told me that I was diagnosed positive for the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and that this PTSD developed due to four different incidents that I experienced. The therapist was also surprised that I have undergone not one, not two, not three, but four very unique incidents of trauma!
I first came face to face with the traumatic experiences when I was 15, it thus did not come as huge shock to me that a part of my identity is frozen in time.
A person diagnosed with PTSD can live a very normal life but will still have triggers. These triggers can be caused by any minor thing relating or present in the event of trauma. Say, a cartoon character, on TV, playfully doing a trick to its friend can cause an attack of trauma to you.
These Triggers take you back mentally to the place and time of trauma. You may feel that the trauma is happening again, right there, in that very moment.
This reliving of trauma is bad, but even worse are its repercussions. When someone does or says something that triggers me, I behave in a way how a 15-year-old would behave. I cry, I shout, I get upset. But this creates a lot of problems in my professional life, others take my actions as me behaving immature or unprofessional. I do not have a scar to show my pain and my problem.
I try a lot to prevent myself from the situations which can cause a trigger. I make comments about the things that affect me in hope that people will keep them away from me in the future. I am developing new plans and strategies to cope with these situations, but I can not always run away from them, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes the symbols that triggers me even appear on my Facebook wall. Sometimes it comes in the form of a song playing at a distance.
Although I am very successful in my life but the traumatic experiences of my past prevent me from living a happy, balanced and complete life. The PTSD makes me incapable of living a normal day-to-day life. I usually have to avoid places like a workplace, a hospital, some restaurants, some TV shows etc. Thus, there is hardly a day when I am not reminded of the horrible past traumas.
I believe that it is the power of the GOD only that helps me to still live a somewhat normal life. It is by the God’s grace only that I don’t flip out more than what I do.
I decided to write this article to increase the public awareness about mental illnesses. I sincerely hope that this will help people to understand the people who deal with mental illness in their lives.
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